Don't Miss Anything

technophile

2006-06-29T18:58:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Birmingham, AL where I attended a tech conference and I am so amped to get started on a few thousand projects that I learned about....I am such a tekkie educator....guess what one main topic was....BLOGGING! Major impact for the classroom....already doing it....sweet!

List of things I have to have before August 1 for my classroom and personal use:

Adobe Everything....Photoshop and Premire, Dreamweaver....iPod for podcasting, new digital camera with video, a new computer me and 20 computers for my classroom. Do you think I can get it all? I sat right by an admin person from my school and smoozed...and I am an excellent schmoozer! I will keep you posted.

Just to let you know, gentle reader....I am probably going to retire this blog for a more positive and upbeat version that my students and kids can read....and extended family members. I have talked freely about my ex-husband the pig fucker and how self consumed my sister is and how uninterested my mother is in her "other" grandchildren. I can't exactly have them reading about that now can I? ....on the other hand, maybe I will keep this blog just for gripes and venting. Since I am now the technophile of the year, maybe I can manage more than one blog....

I quit smoking...

2006-04-01T16:51:00.000-08:00

Things I have learned from quitting smoking.....please send many praises and kudos....smoke free since 3.16.06...smoke free but not wine free...lol!

I do not need that shit...

My kids are so happy that I have quit. I made a deal with them...I quit so you never start. They have agreed.

With my spare time, I have put together a yard sale that netted $200...get down girl go ahead get down.

I have also planted flowers, cleaned out some areas of the yard, conteplated killing my husband, turned in our taxes, thought about smothering my husband in his sleep, worked on some plans for the next school year, planned an enrichment camp for this summer, considered jailtime and losing my kids over murdering the H.

Quitting smoking is a great thing...

Water everywhere....and a DM movie review

2006-02-08T15:38:00.000-08:00

My son jumped off of our front porch and broke the pvc pipe that is our front yard access to water.....Old Faithful, Alabama Style. Yes this happened this afternoon. I was about to go to Curves and work out but noticed that Matthew McConnaheyohmygodyouaresohot was on Oprah so I did not go. T was hollerin' for me to come outside and I could not be pulled away....I thought he was kidding! "Mom, B just stepped on something and now water is everywhere!" Yeah ok, I will be there in a minute....(((she says as Matthew is speaking Spanish, showing off his new puppy and giving a tour of his new Hollywood hide-out)))). I had to call a plumber at 4:45....they were very pleasant and our water is back on now. Can't wait for the H to get home...

So since the afternoon was so stressful, I decided to drink some wine....after all, my workout schedule has made me hurt. That must mean that I need a day of rest. I wonder how much this plumbing is going to cost...

I haven't done a review in a while. I have been watching Evita on HBO. Timely as ever, here is what I think.....sorry the H just walked in and I have to tell him about the water....

More later...

Don't Miss Comments On Recent Events...

2006-01-19T14:49:00.000-08:00

Before I start my evening with a game of Puzzle Express, my new Tetris-like Passion, I want to weigh in on some things going on in the world....no, not politics or world peace or anything like that....the good stuff.

Kiera Knightly was my vote for best dressed at the Golden Globes. I think Terri Hatcher should have worn her hair up and someone should have told Drew Barimore that they can build bras into formal gowns.

I am still mad at Brad Pitt for leaving Jennifer Aniston. The fact that Angelina Jolie has given her children his name hyphenated with hers leaves me....well, cold.

If Katie Holmes' dad has concerns about her marrying Tom Cruise, I think he should take out an add in the New York Times and tell the world....we all would like to know why.

And speaking of why....Why does any celebrity need to video tape themselves having sex with anyone? Colin Farrell...dude! Poor Form, my friend. Poor form.

Finally, the H and I made lists on Sunday night. You know the list....the one made up of the famous people who we would have a free pass to leave eachother for if they came calling. What fun! If you would like to know who is on our lists, you have to post a comment.

More later....

A Don't Miss Poll....

2006-01-14T08:52:00.000-08:00

Just curious....how much does your cat throw up? I want to know if ours is meeting or beating the national average. If my computer was not so old, I would post pics from my brand new digital camera but the port thingy is in the back and a major pain in my behind.

Trying to keep myself from gagging as I prepare to scoop "pruke".

DMA

Gray haze...

2006-01-14T08:23:00.000-08:00

Sorry it has taken me so long to post. That depression thing I was writing about was real. I just have not been myself through the holidays and with that gray haze, nothing seems worth sharing. I am better.....sort of. Hanging in there anyway.

We went home to TN for Christmas. After Mom's surgery and almost losing her, I thought it would be meaningful to be there for the holidays. WRONG! Mom seems to have forgotten that she almost died and our visit just did not seem to fit into my sister's schedule. To say that it was a let down is a tremendous understatement. I tried to talk to Mom and get some advice about leading a more purposeful life and handling the H. She seemed to think I was asking for money and when she starts on that, I immediately clam up. There is no use trying to convince her that I was not asking for money, just emotional support which she is obviously incapable of giving. I have known this for some time but I just keep beating that dead horse. When will I learn? I don't want money....I want to lay my head in her lap and for her to tell me that everything is going to be ok. Is that so much to ask? I guess so. She gets a free pass because of her knees and her recovery....but I know nothing is going to change until I confront her and I just don't think that is going to happen. I don't want to hurt her....and I will because she is utterly clueless as to anyone else's opinion of her behavior. It will rock her world and although she deserves it, I am not willing to be the one to do it.

SO....enough of that talk. That's all I have right now. More later...

Mom of the Year....

2005-12-04T13:42:00.000-08:00

I definitely earned some Mom of the Year points this weekend. Arranged for the boys to be able to spend the night with a friend....both of them....that Mom gets points too. Then the H and I met them out in the country for a good old fashioned cane grinding. These friends of ours have a house with land that has an old log cabin, a pond and an authentic cane grinder that you used to hook up your mule to and get some cane juice. Then they have a huge iron pot in which to boil it all down and get cane syrup. They have an annual party rain or shine. The kids have the annual "Cane Bowl" and play football and get muddy and play, play, play. The saddest part was when the PF and his wife showed up too early to get the boys. They actually thought that B and T would want to see their son get his pic made with Santa. B had tears in his eyes whe they left....no points for them!

Today, I went and bought camoflage paint for B's invention. It is a hunting organizer adapted from a baby food organizer. It really is cute....I better get a good grade. T has designed with the help of the H a lotion warmer. He better score high too.

This week, middle school band concert....I am washing and preparing to iron as we speak. Also, Christmas parade downtown....we are marching as the Academic Booster Club. Thursday is a charity auction. I have bought Santa cookie jars in which I will put my Killer Chocolate Chip Cookies and Symphony Brownies...I will let you know how much money I raised for the group.

Do you smell that? It's Pine Sol....what a dream! I know, I am sick. More later....

I apologize...

2005-11-22T15:52:00.000-08:00

I signed up for the Google Adsense thingy and I now regret it. Please ignore the window at the top of my blog....trying to fix it.

I have to tell about something that happened in my class last week. We were doing "I remember" poems. You know....I remember when I had my first birthday party or I remember when I got my first pet. I should be ready for the unusual answer because I have been at this for 15 years...but no...I am still surprised. One third grader wrote....I shit you not..."I remember when I was in the hospital to get circumcised." Yes....he really wrote that. The spelling was off but after discussing it with me I can confirm that was what he meant to say. Got some mileage out of that one, I must say.

Not much else going on tonight. We are out of school until Monday. After the above story, I need a few days to recover. The boys are here and acting all cool because I said they could have spend the night company. They better watch themselves tonight...I am not in a good mood.

I am cooking for Thanksgiving and actually looking forward to it. Should be fun. My sweet potatoes are to die for....if you call them yams, you suck.

More later....

Ninja Teacher...

2005-11-18T16:46:00.000-08:00

I was on it today, y'all. I was teaching up a storm. I even struck the ninja pose with my class. Swinging my arms and kicking my legs. That crowd did not know what to think.

My principal came in to tell me that I had some errors in the special ed software program that we use.....it is a bitch, man. I went back later and gave her the ninja, too! I was all over my errors and she was pleased. You see, we have to have all that stuff entered by Dec. 1 so the state can give us money for our special ed kiddos. It has to be captured....very ninja. So, I have to teach the whole school, meet the needs of our gifted youth, help with the higher abilty language arts crowd AND get my stuff into the computer so the state can say OK. Oh yes and also take care of the yearbook and sell ice cream to the masses. This is my job, people. Only a ninja could handle it all.

Halloween in Knoxville...

2005-11-12T10:29:00.000-08:00

Halloween with my niece and nephew.

Double knees, shock treatment and a famous pee pee...

2005-11-11T10:51:00.000-08:00

ok...I just got back...well I got back Sunday....from helping take care of my mother during her double knee-replacement surgery. This is my first chance to update you on all that. Mom gave us a scare and did not want to breathe after surgery. She spent a night in ICU and started to improve after that. She is already at home and dealing with some pain but is glad to be there. I do not remember a time in my life when she was not in pain. She knows that trading arthritis pain for a short time with surgical pain is going to be worth it. I predict she will be playing golf again by march....seriously.

I have suffered some depression since getting back. I don't know if it is because we almost lost Mom or that I feel guilty about not being able to be there more during her recovery or the fact that my clean house before I left is a shattered memory.....I vote for number 3. I am so mad at my crowd that I could spit! The house is a wreck again and I have to clean it up again. I swear, I am going to have to get the cattle prod out do some behavior modification! That's it! What an idea! I can hear it now...."Don't make me have to get the electric shock out after y'all....put your clothes away!" I think it might work!

Hey, guess who was on Mom's floor recovering from surgery....David Keith....you know the guy who kills himself in An Officer and Gentleman? Yeah, him. Anyway, he is from Knoxville and my bro in law says he is a real asshole. So I got to be real good friends with the nurse that saved my Mom's life and she told me....strictly on the QT....that he was on the floor. She told my Mom that she had seen her ass, she wanted to see his! Too funny! Later, she stopped by to tell Mom and me that she had seen his penis! Hilarious! Got to love a nurse with a sense of humor. I will not forget her any time soon....unless my Mom pisses me off....then I will have to sue her ass!

New readers and some stuff...

2005-10-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

I am inspired to write because of my new popularity...I have 2 readers.....hi Vill and Lumpy! Now, I don't want to hurt any feelings. If you read me, then comment and I will recognize you too!

Here is the deal....lots going on! I directed a wedding last weekend...my first....and did the make-up for the entire wedding party. I must have mad skills because everything went great. I do have to share this story. About 15 minutes before the TIME one of the groomsmen walked up to me and told me I have amazing eyes. Ha Ha I laughed it off and thanked him and told him that was why my husband gave me THIS....a beautiful diamond and sapphire ring....the diamonds were his mother's and grandmother's engagement diamonds....the sapphire is crystal blue and HUGE in the middle because it reminded him of my eyes....ok. Back when he had money, he did really good! Anyway, moving on. This groomsman proceeded to ask if the H was at the wedding and I told him no. (He was out in the country with some friends watching football like everyone else who did not have to be in a wedding!) He said good because at the reception he wanted to lick my shoes. Now, I have had some men come on to me over the years. I have dealt with it and life has gone on....however, no one has ever asked to partake of my footwear. I might add that what I was wearing was most delectible....super high strappy black ankle heels that I wore with an attitude. Let's face it....when else does an elementary teacher in Alabama get to work it? At a wedding, of course. Facts being facts, they were killing me so I told him no....after the wedding I was going home to change into something more comfortable. The H was completely in agreement about this man's attitude.....I think he will come with me to the next function of which I am in charge....what do you think?

On to more serious stuff....I am leaving Sat. to go to Knoxville. My mother is having double-knee replacement on November 1. Let me explain my feelings. I am absolutely thrilled to be going away for a week.....I will miss a whole week of school but it is not the week that I have my gifted kids. It is the week that I teach the entire school in 30 min. blocks. Not a problem! Do not hate to miss that week! I don't even mind missing my kiddos and Halloween here.....I have experienced 10, I can miss one! Number 1....Halloween is my birthday and I never get anything from them LOL! Number 2, I don't have to do the Halloween thing! I will spend my birthday with my sister and her family and Momma and they do give great presents....eww I sound so shallow. With everything I have been through in the past few months, I think I deserve to chill and enjoy. I will get to see my neice and nephew have their Halloween and I will love that. Also, Mom needs me! I will stay in the hospital with her and nurse her through those first couple of tough days. When she goes into rehab (and cannot have visitors), I will be able to help sis and her H....he has been having seizures and cannot drive so I expect a few trips to Home Depot or other manly places which will be fun. I will be checking my email from Mom's house so I hope to hear from my peeps, ok? I will try to write when I get the chance but if you don't hear from me, assume everything is ok, OK?

Thanks for reading....more soon!

Here you go, Vill...

2005-10-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

It is designed to to properly fund education and help senior citizens and great stuff like that.

(I was commenting on Amendment 1 which failed to pass in our fine state. Makes me mad jsut thinking about it.)

23rd entry....

2005-10-10T16:22:00.000-07:00

Too boring to post. Mostly about school and a coworker that I still hate. No progress there.

Sunday night...

2005-10-09T15:14:00.000-07:00

Not much going on this lovely Sunday night. I have pretty much laid low this weekend. The H and I went to waffle house this morning....loved it. Can't do without the occasional grease fest.

Tell me something. Why do they keep pushing a microphone in Pat Robertson face? The H says it is because everyone is waiting for him to say something stupid again...like this morning. He is just not sure about where he heard that Chavez paid Bin Laden. What a tool. Sources...my ass!

James Dobson has had conversations with Karl Rove about being sure that Harriet Miers is going to be the right choice for the Supreme Choice. Says he has some information that he probably shouldn't have. Excuse me...to what office was James Dobson elected? If he has some information that he shouldn't have as he said on his radio address, shouldn't the American people have that same information? Doesn't that line up with bearing false witness? I am so frustrated right now. I know I don't usually wax political but I am so fed up right now.

I would much rather talk about the greatest find I came across the other day. I am buying 3 pieces of wicker furniture for our coffee porch. The are old and brown an a little rusty, but they have been repaired and I am getting them for my birthday which is not until Oct. 31. I am going to pick at least one piece up tomorrow and I can't hardly wait. (95.00 for the set! A settee and two rockers!) Showed them to the H this morning and he likes them too.

Thanks for the tag, VI. More later...

2005-10-06T16:11:00.000-07:00

Ok so I updated the other day and I lost everything....it all backed up and I had to shut down and well, you know. I am doing fine. I have joined Curves and have worked out every day except today because I had my book club meeting. I got a cell phone so I don't feel like such a loser. I can be in touch with my collegues at least. It is not like the H is going to check in or anything.

I am worried about a student of mine. I will call him X. He is an amazing kid....but no one knows it but me. He is gifted and a great athlete...football is his passion. He is so bad for everyone else but me. He adores me and performs academically for me...no one else sees his sparkle like me. I want to adopt this kid because he is getting involved in a gang and I don't want to see this happen. His mom is doing the best that she can but she is working two jobs jus tot keep him in shoes...know what I mean?

The kids are doing great....loving middle school like I knew they would...playin gthe trombone like it is going out of style.

The H is struggling...I don't know what is going on with him right now...I am feeling good and I want him to feel good too. Hmmm. Must work on that.

Reunion...

2005-09-21T16:46:00.000-07:00

I have told you that I was not able to make my 20th reunion at home. It was last weekend and thanks to the miracle of email....I have been abreast of all the happenings. There was a long email list of participants or not. I have reponded to my favorite people. One being Brett who, at our junior football homecoming, him being a football player and all, gave me an enormous corsage with the most beautiful chrysanthymum and also displaying his number which happened to be 69. I wore it with pride because I knew he was out there playing and I was in the stands cheering.........OMG! At the time, I had no idea what that number meant, but I learned that night. It is one of those moments that you will never forget. I remember being so mad at that moment. The moment the I realized that Brett had picked that number on purpose, that he thought it was funny before he asked me to homecoming, that he knew that at homecoming that would be funny. What a realization for a young one such as myself. I mean, fuck! We were attending a private Baptist school for Christ sake! Where was the mother?....which by the way, I never remember meeting....his dad either. Wow, looking back as a parent I cannot comprehend. I am laughing, and I have gotten some laughs from that story over the year...I am laughing now....but shit...I still love him and I tried to send him a message but it came back not able to be sent.....damn!

Time will tell who I hear from...It will be interesting...stay tuned

Party...

2005-09-17T22:19:00.000-07:00

I am home and it is 12:21 and I am not even drunk....a first for me and a party. Helped to give an engagement party tonight. The bride is a sophmore in college and the groom just graduated high school....ack! The mother of the bride is one of my best friends ever and I would do anything for her....and I mean anything....read on.

The party was at the home of my sister-in-law's former husband and his now wife. They live in the house that my husband and his sister and brother grew up in. I told you I would do anything for S. And I meant it. This guy is the father of my niece and her picture is up in the house but even she thinks he is a prick.

I asked for a tour of the house because the H and all always talk about growing up in this house and I have had zero point of reference all these year. Now I know the layout and I can keep up with family conversation. All I have to say is....this house should have been mine. It is a long story and I won't bore you with the details.

The party went great. It was casual and fun and I actually knew the names of everybody that came. Which is a first because in the past, I have been terrible with names. I enjoyed that aspect of things. I was hot all night and folks accused me of going thru the change. I am 37, people. That is too young to be going thru any "changes". I am just warm natured and since we live almost on top of the equator, sweat happens!

I will say that the only two dishes, amongst the conglomeration that we served, that were complemented were my spinach dip and my symphony brownies. This brought much warmth to my heart....as if I needed more warmth. I may be broke and sweaty, but I can cook.

I love S and I am sure she is concerned about her young daughter getting married. I would be. I am home and in one piece and feel good about what I did tonight. Now, my sister-in-law's ex-husband's wife thinks that she and I are going to be big friends now because I played so nice tonight. It just ain't going to happen.

Friday...

2005-09-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

Boys are gone to dad's....I am home and peaceful. Instituted family clean up night last night. I am tired of getting stuck with all the clean up duty that everyone leaves in my lap. It worked. The den, kitchen and boy's bathroom are clean. I can shut the door on their room.

Been gone a while from blogging. Thanks for checking in, Tina. I am back. Can't even talk about Katrina. So much emotion....had several dark weekends over it. The poverty in America is unimaginable. I could tell you about the teacher at school that couldn't understand why folks could not get $1000 together and leave town or I could tell you about my right wing sister who is all bound up in the fact that people were looting plasma TV's while there was no electricity. We haven't spoken since my reply. I could tell you so much about what I am feeling about the situation down there but I won't because it is not good for me.

I am entering a new phase....find out what is good for me and fix things that are not. I am not going into it because it would not be good for me. I hope you understand.

Helping to give a party this weekend. Making spinach dip and Symphony brownies. If you have not heard of Symphony brownies, let me know. I will send the recipe. They will change your life.

I am having an affair...

2005-08-25T15:19:00.000-07:00

School has been back in officially for three weeks. I am loving it. I am having an affair with my job. Isn't that what all parents would love to hear from their kid's teacher? I am having the time of my life.

This is the beginning of my 15th year. I have seen so much teaching in small town Alabama. So much that I was not brought up to see. I am privately school educated...expected to do so much more than teach! My Dad wanted me to do anything but....until he saw mw do it. When he and Mom visited me one day about 13 years ago, he told me to keep on. I was doing exactly what I should be doing. Meant the world to me. I feel like I am earning my place in this world and it feels good.

On other notes, sons are sick....swimmer's ear and tee tee trouble. Going back to school tomorrow but medications in hand.

Finally picked up the taxes to the tune of over $1300. Had an audit and must pay for taxes that the H did not pay before we were married. Talked that over with him tonight plus the future of his job...not pretty. We have got to get through this. I am committed to do so. There has got to be a life without all this stress. I guess I will go clean to not think about it so much.

Twin Trombones...

2005-08-19T15:20:00.000-07:00

I did it...I went to the band meeting last night and I did it....I signed the papers to rent twin trombones. In our fair town, if you send your child to the public school, they have to choose between band and choral for their 6th grade "exploratory" option. Of course, my crowd chooses band and of course there is a fee....$35 times 2. Ok, done. Then you have to rent your instrument. The boys both tested into trombone....great. Great company X comes and provides new and used instruments with service agreements and music stand and all that. A trombone costs $799.00. The expletives that I could use right now do not even begin to express my shock and utter amazement. I was a zombie. Check my drool please. Luckily, there is a payment plan and if, in the event your child chooses another instrument, the money you have paid goes toward the next instrument. Beauty. So, I sign the papers for two used trombones and write a check for rental until late October.

I thought to myself, I said, "Self, the PF should pay for one of these instuments...Self, tell the PF this fact." I got myself fired up and ready to relay this message when he arrived to get the boys.

"Jenni, we are about to sell our restaurant, and when we do, some of this stuff is going to have to be cut out." Like this is an option. This is band. It is part of the curriculum. This is not a video game system or a popular pair of shoes. This is part of my children's education. It is not optional. I will hand that crowd the payment book and not look back. MFPFSOAB....initals will not do and please excuse me, because I am a lady but, MOTHER FUCKING PIG FUCKING SON OF A BITCH, YOU ARE GOING TO PAY YOUR PART! Thanks, I feel better!

This afternoon, the boys both broke out their instruments and showed me what they had learned during class today. It was loud and obnoxious and I loved it. It was priceless. I just hope that one day we can take this act of twin trombones on the road.

My Inbox is empty...

2005-08-17T15:14:00.000-07:00

So much on my mind and no sense to it all...my inbox is empty. I have regretted to my 20th high school reunion. Used the excuse that my mother is having double knee replacement and I must save my leave time....really, I cannot face that crowd. I cannot go back

I have replyed to the many emails about a friend and their newborn who apparently was born with massive birth defects but no one wants to say so....sent prayers and good wishes. Cleaning, installing, looking around for things to gripe about. Must pay bills....cannot face the desk that is pilled up with junk. Must raise good men, but just threw the entire neighborhood out of my house. The H is distant, work is work, and I am still me. Must do laundry but what good does that do? They will just get it dirty again anyway.

This is me right now....any comments?

You know what they say...

2005-08-13T05:46:00.000-07:00

...What happens in New Orleans stays in New Orleans. I know it is supposed to be Vegas but this is the motto my traveling partners and I have adopted. We had a great time and actually attended the conference. Trust me when I say, in Jimmy Buffett's Margheritaville, there is a drink called Jimmy's Perfect Margherita.....and it is.

I came home to a wreck of a house, a stack of bills and a happy family. For that I am grateful. Must do some catching up this weekend after I go and work the CCC charity Back To School yard sale. Must do my part to make the world a better place...nothing there is over $1.00. I met one of my good friends there and she gave me some of her boys' old clothes. Polo, Abercrombie and all of that great jazz...I love her for it.

More later...

Back To School...

2005-08-04T17:06:00.000-07:00

We went back to school today...me at the elementary school and the boys at the middle school. The H is not too happy about having to take the boys...but it is a must. I have to be at work at or before 7:30....new rule....so there is no way that I can take the boys and get to school on time. He will get over it.

I have a whole new feeling being at the elementary school without my crowd. It was wonderful being able to drive in peace to my place of employment. However, when I was helping down in kindergarten I found myself wondering what my boys were doing right at that moment....and I could not just walk down the hall and peek in the door of their classroom and find out what was going on...I was anxious and relieved at the same time. I am sure the feeling will get better with time but today I was kind of off.

I leave Saturday for the World Conference For Gifted Education....yes, you can hate me because I am going to New Orleans. This is like what it was for us when the Olympics came to Atlanta. The next conference will be in Helsinki or somewhere completely obnoxious so we are going this year! I must pack but do not have the impetous tonight. I am filling out forms and writing checks for the middle school....majorly cutting into my French Quarter money.....oh no, hell no, I will not be showing my tits for beads. The crowd could not handle it and I have my share of mardi gras beads. I am hoping to find a great piece of art work to bring home, eat some good food and have enough money for taxis and etc.

More soon...

Me? Sure, No Problem

2005-07-23T14:43:00.000-07:00

Logging in on what has been the most interesting of days as of late....the step wife called....said she and the PF were going to a wedding here in town that the boys did not want to go to ....could I keep them.....me? Sure No Problem. By the way, could you also keep the baby....her baby with the PF who is adorable? Me? Sure, No Problem.

Two hours pass and I have vaccuumed and completely childproofed the den and dining room. Everything else I have baracaded with chairs and the like. Then the phone rings...it is the PF. He asked if he could wear his buck sadle oxfords to the wedding. You know the ones he wore like 15 years ago? I told him that he was too old to wear them. He was wearing the suit that he wore to our rehearsal wedding. He needed to wear some brown shoes and a belt to match. Ok, check. He needed another favor. He needs to borrow my iron. He says he has to buy a new shirt on the way to the wedding and could he just take five minutes to get the wrinkles out. Me? Sure, no problem. Am I amazing or what?

So the crowd walks in and my 11 year son asks me, "Mom, are you sure you can do this?" I reply, "No, son....I am an idiot....you were raised by wolves." Turns out that the PF does not need the iron, just the bathroom to change in and the boys and I had fun with the 20 month old baby who does not like toys....I pulled out some beanie babies.....He like the Jenga blocks and some cards that I found. I got some sugar and to be honest, he is an absolutely delicious kid.

The PF and wife returned in about an hour and the whole crowd cleared out. The PF said thanks for the first time in about 12 years. I was moved....not. The H had made himself scarce the entire time.... he decided that his voice scares the baby. When he walked in, I told him everything went fine. Which it did but that does not make this whole day any less weird. I supposed we are the typical American family today.

Good news at last...

2005-07-21T15:44:00.000-07:00

The Don't Miss Anything Family has had some good news today. We paid off our car last month and I checked with our power company this week to find out our flat rate has gone down about $150. those two things together manage to amount to about $500 of extra money each month that we have not previously had. This is major folks. I am seriously going to enjoy being able to breathe.

I am back...

2005-07-20T14:41:00.000-07:00

I hope my internet friends have not left me. I am back. I just got back....Sunday....from what was a wonderful Plan B vacation in the mountains of Tennessee. My sister and her husband have a lake house and instead of braving the weather in Florida, we stayed up there for a week. We got some rain but it did not bother me. The temps were 10 degrees lower than here in dear Alabama and I love that part of the trip. Best part was that we all got along. The boys with eachother and the cousins, my sister and me, my mother and me. Everybody sing Cumbya!

This week I in a tech workshop for school and even though I feel my tan fading by the day, I am enjoying myself. Fun people and I love my computer so I am having a good time. And I get paid for going so that is an extra plus. Make money and have fun.

The H and I have been kind of getting readjusted after our 1 week separation. Everything is fine but it is so damn hot right now so that does not lend itself well to close contact. I think he enjoyed his time on his own...well deserved since we are living in "step". I really don't want to take another vacation with the kids without him going too. I might approach with that subject this evening....in a non-threatening way. It is so hot that someone might spontaneously combust if anyone gets mad.

Crack is Wack...

2005-07-06T19:10:00.000-07:00

I just let the cable guys out....we were having trouble with our premium channels every time it rained. They had to get into the basement which requires lifting a door in the floor kind of thing....old house and all. You know, the big bend over. I saw about 4 inches of this man's butt crack. I had to hide behind the door for a sec to hide my laughter. When the guys went downstairs I ran to the boys' room and had to tell them. They we all, "Did you 'ass' him a question?" Hilarious.

Just found out that my mom is not coming tomorrow...not that I have written about it....we were supposed to be heading to the beach for a week and I think it is off because of the hurricane coming this way. No problem....I have just been looking forward to this trip for a year! Pisser! Looks like we will be heading up to see her and that will be ok. It won't be the beach....the beautiful house, the white sands.....shut up. Don't even think about it.

Don't Scrape Today...

2005-06-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

This morning was sweet. I popped right up and got a shower and was on the porch when the H came down ready to roll. His project is going well and I can see it in his demeanor that he is pleased with himself right now. I made the most awful mistake of telling him I am more in love with him than ever and I got no response. Sort of the brush off...oh well. Bastard could not live without me. I know this much is true. When you expect a certain response and don't get it then you are the only one disappointed...no one else.

So I have been scurrying around trying to escape that moment of male unawareness. I have cleaned part of the house and have sights on more. I watched the View....went out and read. I watched Judging Amy....it was the one where Maxine jumps in the birthing pool, clothes and all, with Donna to help deliver her baby after her mother turns down the offer to be her birthing partner....she cannot handle it. A favorite episode of mine. Went out to read and smoke. Decided I needed some wine. I know it is early but I am on vacation! Got some and went out and read some more.

Then I heard it. Scrape, scrape, scrape. Isn't it enough that I have been stressing over the speeding assholes that go down our street. Oh, and I have not even mentioned our neighbors the Nip Its. We call them that because if a pinecone falls, if a shrub grows a shoot, if a weed even dares show it's head....they are there to Nip It! I am sure we are driving them to distraction with our overgrown gravel walkway and unkempt yard.....which bothers me too but I am enjoying the fact that we are getting on their nerves....denial ain't just a river in Egypt. That is a whole other entry.

Back to the scrape. There is someone scraping the house that is caddy corner to us across the street. WTF? Don't they know I have dedicated myself to literature this summer? Don't they know that it is hotter than 100 hells outside and this is not the season for painting? I know, I am reading outside but we have screens and a ceiling fan out there so it is so liveable....I love it! The air should move and all is right with the world.

Don't. Scrape. Today. I have Meiniere's Disease in my right ear....brought on by stress from the break-up of my previous relationship. What it amounts to is that I have a hearing loss in that ear and problems with balance time and again...... and extraneous sounds like scraping, lawn mowers and the like make me want to jump out of my skin. They come in like static and it can drive one mad! I am trying to have peace here, people. I am trying to achieve total bliss while my kids are gone and I am on my own during the day which is the privilege of teachers who work their asses off all school year long. I am trying to not miss my kids while they are gone....correction....I am trying to give their dad a chance to experience what the H and I do all year long. Life with that crowd when it is not absolutely convenient!!

Must run, I feel a cleaning jag coming on.

The Bitch On Avenue C...

2005-06-29T15:05:00.000-07:00

Hello all....sorry for my long break. Finished my camp on Friday and it has taken me this long to recover. Not because it was bad....it was great. Everyone I hired to help was wonderful and the kiddos had a great time.....article in the paper with massive pics of children asconsed in mother boards and CPU's. Inventions like my nephew's...a collar that would help our pets speak so we could understand them...an educator's dream. We are so doing it next year!

So, how have I been passing my time? I have been reading and it has been wonderful. I read a biography of Picasso and a book about the wives of Henry VIII. Both facinating....I have also been taking a dive into some serious "chick lit". If you are a reader, don't miss Hissy Fit, Citizen Girl, The Nanny Diaries, Me & Emma, Me Times Three and Shopaholic and Sister.

Now, more on to point....I have told you that we are smoking outside. I am also reading outside so I can smoke and read....marvelous! Anyway, I have been noticing that people drive really fast down my street....even tho we have 2 speed bumps which the H and I were instrumental in getting about 6 years ago. We live one street over from the main drag and it is very close to our little downtown. It is a wonderful location and I really never want to move! What I am noticing is that everytime I hear a car, I check it out. Do I know them? Where are they going and why? but mostly, why are they driving so fast?

Let me take you back to my childhood. I grew up in a house that happened to be on the fairway of the number 5 hole on a golf course. I swear, looking back, we had a beautiful lot. It was pie shaped so it was very narrow at the cul-de-sac and widened to about100 yards on the golf course. In the kitchen, there was a bay window that provided a wonderful view of the course and the passers-by. We could watch tee-offs and second shots and the putting if we wanted. We could also see if people hooked or shanked shots into our yard which was technically out of bounds. What is golf if not for the rules? A great sportsman would call a penalty on himself. A great sportsman would, after seeing his shot was out of bounds, would hit another shot from the tee and then pick up his erroneous shot in our yard. There were not many great sportsmen in Memphis,Tennessee playing at the SB Country Club between the years of 1977-1990. It was from this poor form that arose The Bitch of Number Five. That Bitch was my mother.

These guys would actually try to hit their shots out of our yard. It is not like Mom sat there all day to catch people. It happened with so much regularity that she could not help herself. She would get up from the kitchen table and go outside and yell at these miscreants. "Hey! You know you are out of bounds!" "Please don't hit out of our yard!" Things such as this. I was mortified and embarrassed beyond belief! I mean really! It is not like a divot in our yard is going to kill us. Mom, please!

Life has its way of coming full circle. I find myself reading peaceful on my front porch. The birds are singing and the crepe myrtle are blooming. The breeze, when not oppressively tropical is cool and constant. I am truly happy and peaceful. Then, I hear a vehicle driven by someone who obviously is not as content as I. Someone who is is such a damn hurry that they don't stop to think while they mash the hell out of the accelerator, that there might be young children on this street! I can't run outside and stop them like Mom. All I can do is look up and say, "You are going too fast!" I watched my boys ride home the other day on the street that meets our road in front of our house and neither of them looked both ways before they rode into our driveway. I have hammered it home in the time since and I can see the indifference in their eyes.

It has happened. I am now The Bitch of the street I live on. My kids lives depend on it. I have to go and write a letter to the editor, paint some signs, light some lanterns and get some road blocks or something.

This actually happened....

2005-06-18T13:41:00.000-07:00

Actual conversation with the H before he left:

The H: I am going to TC to watch the US Open...is that allr..?
Me: (cutting in) That's great, you will love it!
The H: I don't think anyone will come in under par this year...I love this kind of golf....I think I am giddy.
Me: Kind of like when I come home from the library with books that I just want to get in bed and surround myself with all of them and smell them and think hmmm....which one do I read first? You feel like that?
The H: Exactly! You really get it don't you?
Me: Completely...have so much fun....I will be here when you get home.
The H: Only if I am lucky.

I am finally ready to say it...

2005-06-18T13:29:00.000-07:00

I am....I am ready. I think it is time.

I think I have this whole crowd fooled that I can run Camp Invention! Everything has fallen into place and I could not be more pleased. It is mostly due to the fact that I have been working on this since January and the national company I am with makes sure that it is easy for anyone running the thing. I take no credit. It is designed to make me look good.....gag, ack! glug....

No really....here is where I stand. If anything goes wrong on Monday morning, it will be clerical or folks will show up without registering or some kid will have a peanut allergy....stuff like that. All of those things can be handled. Every problem like that has a solution. Everything else will be settled by the kids. They will make the camp what it needs to be. I have great people working for me. We have great kids signed up. It will all be fine.

Do It Myself Like Dad...

2005-06-16T18:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am sitting out on the smoking porch....used to be the coffee porch but we are smoking outside now....shut up....I know we should have done that long before Taylor was diagnosed with asthma but we are doing it now. The H has gone out to play practice....he is really good and not excited about being in another play....but he is gone and I start to think. This porch is disgusting! Dirt and pollen....an absolute disgrace! I have got to do something about this!

A little aside, I just finished Hissy Fit by Mary Kay Andrews. (I give it a big Don't Miss! It is good to read someone who is from the south and writes authentically about the south.) The heroine in this story is a real do it yourselfer....interior decorator....loves all the things that I did when I was rich....we are broke now but I so still get it....this book is so good....got me in the mood to fix up out little place.

I take my grandmother's white wicker rocker out to the back. I go back and get the green wicker rocker we bought a a flea market when we had money....I love it... and get it out too. Hook up the pressure washer....cleaning orgasm....fabulous! They both look brand new!

I am so pleased that I take a look at the hose and the length of the electric cord and it is settled. I have to pressure wash the smoking porch! Smoke and drink another beer...I am ready. I drag all the equipment in and plug the stuff in....and find another plug because this one is out from the fire disaster we had in January....no problem....I am still firing on all pistons....must clean, must CLEAN!

Ready? GO! I start the pressure washer and then ppppsssstttt! The hose burst in my kitchen and floods the place! No problem! I will fix it with some tape...the kind you use to wrap presents....bad idea. It caused another ppppsssst and the hose burst in another place. I am not deterred. I go and cut off the hose and the pressure washer.....mop out the kitchen while running water into a planter to toss out on the porch. This place must be clean!

I mop and toss water and get everything finished to a point and then Hit Me Baby One More Time Comes On and I am trying to blog and then the H comes in from play practice and luckily, I was jamming to Cameo when he came in so he wouldn't bust his ass not expecting the water. He is laughing because he so gets it and I am all sweaty and happy because I at least accomplished part of what I set out to do....I need a bath in the worst way which I will enjoy later.

I hope Dad is laughing in Heaven...see the Sycamore Tree entry a few weeks ago.....I bet there was a story behind painting the deck with a vaccuum cleaner. I just wasn't old enough to appreciate it until now.

CI, reading and a Dr. Phil moment....

2005-06-15T14:13:00.000-07:00

I am working it people! I just got back from working with J on Camp Invention. We got a lot of stuff organized and ready. Tomorrow I will hit the ground running with a long but fun list to do. Then Friday I will meet with my team and the camp starts Monday. You will be hearing about it bunches.

Just finished The Six Wives of Henry VIII. Fabulous book! I am brushing up getting ready for my Middle Ages unit for my gifted elementary kids. I want to spend more time this year talking about the role of women during that time. You never heard about a woman unless they married well. This book dished about everything....the courtships, the dowry, the sex, the progeny, the executions, the divorces, the deaths....I was all up into it. Key fact....don't miss the opportunity to give yourself permission to turn pages when it all gets boring. I love to read biographies but I don't have to read every word to get the jist....capice? I am also reading Picasso's biography right now as well. In the future, I want to write a unit for my class based on the 20th century. Each decade holds such interesting information that my class would love. Invention, art, war, crisis, innovation. I think it would be a damn skippy jam up unit. Must work on that.

I had a Dr. Phil realization yesterday. About my marriage. The H and I have been married for 7 and 1/2 years. My most successful relationship to date. We have had our share of problems. For the longest time, I have been equating our problems with the marriage. They just are not those kind of problems. Our problems are not the marriage. Every problem has a solution and being without this man would not solve any of those problems. I love him. I love being with him and talking to him. I love learning from him and I respect him. Have you ever looked at your significant other and thought, "OMG....you are a person with thoughts and feelings. You live here out of choice and you really are not going anywhere!" Does he piss me off? Yes. Sometimes, do I wish I had thought some things through before I married him? Yes. Have I made mistakes that I wish I could take back? Of course. Do I see myself with this man for a long time? Definitely. Things happen in married life and it is in the way that we deal with these things that defines not the marriage, but the people involved. After my camp, I plan on working on some of that stuff so that my definition in this relationship is clear. I am on board and willing to fight for us. Wow....heavy, man....totally.

Checking in...

2005-06-14T13:11:00.000-07:00

I just got a big dose of adrenaline....I went to my school to get ready for my enrichment camp and got so much done including someone to go to Dothan to pick up our snacks from Sam's. Just not having to do that has made me so happy that I zoomed home to make a toddy and check in on the blogging community.

The boys have gone and we at last have peace. They are wrecking my house but we are having a good summer. We are about at the point of boredom but Camp Invention will kick in next week and we will all have plenty to do then.

The H is making great strides with his biofuel project. He has been busy and happy and that makes me happy. I am really hoping this turns into something bigger for him because he deserves it. He has worked very hard and I would like for it to turn out well for him.

I am going to look around now. I hope your summer days are going as well for you...more later!

Friday fun...

2005-06-10T13:48:00.000-07:00

....if you want to call it that. I have been a cleaning demon and the house feels somewhat more in order. I had to clean up the mess from making the home made ice cream....what a mess. Thank God for Blue Bell! We will not be revisiting that little project any time soon. It was a nightmare.

The boys came home yesterday and today they have been running around the house. Interesting observation. We went to the grocery together and decided that we would only get reasonable food. Baked chips, Crystal Light to drink, apples, bananas, strawberries....you know, the good stuff. There has not been a fight, a bicker, a mood swing, a tantrum. Nothing! Just running and playing and laughing. I hope it is not just a fluke because I can sure handle this kind of atmosphere.

We had their cousin Clay over for the morning and his dad (my former brother-in-law) was brave and took the whole crowd to see Shark Boy and Lava Girl. Wow! Is he brave! I can't wait to hear about it later.

Must run....Oprah is coming on and it is supposed to be about mother-daughter relationships. There is a story there about my mom and me but I am not going to tell it. TMTT! I hope to write more later but you never know...

All Star....not quite

2005-06-08T15:23:00.000-07:00

Brooks was chosen as an all-star alternate. As a parent, I am thrilled because he was playing in a league with mostly 6th graders, some of whom have mustaches....hello. A lot of talent in this age group. The high school years look real good for this set of boys. Of course, this does nothing for Brooks because he just wanted to make the team. He was crying on the phone as I told him. He was one of 4 boys his age even considered...that did not even make him happy. Must parent him through this. We will not be the kind of parents that insist that their kid play all year long and then have to have surgery at the age of 13 because the arm is worn out. No way! That is not us! I did talk to the wife of the PF and she agrees that we need to look into a camp before next season.....not this summer but maybe at Christmas (I have connections at the University of Tennessee....my family lives in Knoxville....brother-in-law's brother is the assistant athletic director.) so we are looking into that.

My heart breaks for Brooks. I know he is upset. However, I know that he does not see me as a former athlete but I was. I played every sport there was available to me. And cheerleading too! I played volleyball and basketball in high school...a star at both....made some all star teams....some not....made some regional and all state teams....mostly not....volleyball was my sport. I played in college on a scholarship and even on the Junior Olympic level. I have seen my share of sports ups and downs. I am trying to parent him through this. I swear, he is beautiful out there on the field. It is hard to tell him he just wasn't good enough. But, fact are facts. In the eyes of the coaches, he was just not good enough to make the all-star team. We need to accept that and move on. Life as we know it will continue....that is something of which I am certain. I just have to be here as his heart breaks and heals. Ouch!

I'm Back...

2005-06-08T13:46:00.000-07:00

Been taking some time off...mostly because life has been boring and I have been specializing in slugness lately.

Listening to some music right now....The soundtrack from "Grace of My Heart"....love it. Also, some old Pearl Jam and Al Green...I've got the thing on random so I am so crossing into some many different genres...it is perfect.

I am making home made peach ice cream today for the charity club to whick I belong. We have our annual "picnic" tomorrow and we eat the same menu that the founding ladies ate 100 years ago. That means home made everything. We have relented and started getting chicken fingers instead of frying our own chicken but everything else is still authentic. fresh pimento cheese with fresh mayo served inside tomatoes on lettuce, seven layer caramel cake and real peach and vanilla ice cream. Sounds charming...no! It truly sucks because those ladies did not work and they had maids and cooks to do this kind of stuff for them. The peaches are marinating in sugar right now so I have a minute to blog before Oprah.

Don't miss making home made ice cream while drinking a vodka and tonic in the afternoon. Does that define summer or what? More later!

2005-06-03T18:51:00.000-07:00

I am on my own tonight. The H went out with his friends and I am glad. I needed some time just for me. I have been working on a puzzle and I finished it today. Hooray for summer vacation.

Did anyone see Oprah today? Nicole Kidman was on and I think it was a slap in the face for her. First, Oprah showed some less than flattering pictures of Nicole when she was younger and frizzy haired. Second, she talk about the possibility of Ms. Kidman having more kids. Now, I don't know Nicole Kidman personally, but I have been through a similar ordeal. I am sure when she and Tom Cruise decided to adopt their beautiful children, she never thought she would be raising them alone. She also never thought that her former husband who in the past has been so quiet and private and reserved, would appear on this same show and tell people that he has never felt like he is feeling today thanks to the love of his new woman. There is something wrong with the picture here folks and I fall on the side of Nicole. She was very gracious and said that she is a romantic and is looking for a fabulous man with whom she could spend her life. More kids right now are out of the question. Derrrr Oprah. I guess you are better friends with Tom.

I am going to be a slug for the rest of the weekend and then I have to get ready for my camp. Tomorrow I will pay bills and clean just a bit...including the glass from the picture that was smashed yesterday by my little heathens as they were playing. It is a beautiful Chinese print that was the H's dad's....not that important in the grand scheme of things but it just further goes to show that I will have nothing nice while my kids live with me. Everything will be broken somehow and I am sounding like my mother so I will quit now.

Morning Worship Service...

2005-06-01T06:14:00.000-07:00

We have a little screened in porch on the front of the house off the kitchen and I have been starting my summer days there with a good book and a cup of joe. Since I have been waking up early, I have decided to practice my new found religion at the Church Of The Coffee Porch. Just me and a book and some coffee. My grandmother's wicker rocker greets me every morning like an old friend. It is quiet and peaceful and I get to feed my soul before anyone else gets up. I am now reading John Grisham's The Testament. Kind of trite after Anne Lamott and Goldie Hawn but I am enjoying it nonetheless.

Computer time is also part of the quiet morning ritual. Took off my tagboard. Retarded pop-ups. No fun for anyone. Thanks Kat for the heads up. Getting frustrated with Picassa and Hello. I have many more pics to share but cannot get them in the Picassa file. I will keep working on it.

We had fun last night. Played Monopoly and wrestled and tickeld on the bed with the H. You know, the stuff we don't have time for during the school year. I loved it. The PF got his feelings hurt when the boys did not want to go to his house last night. He is meeting us tomorrow at the pediatrician. Well check-ups before middle school. Tay is worried about having to get a shot....does anybody know if we have to have a measles or any other booster shot at this age? I am clueless.

Just heard the water turn on upstairs. The H is stirring and the kiddos will not be far behind.
Worship service over....in the name of the mother and step-father and the twins....Amen!

2005-05-31T08:13:00.000-07:00

This is my mom with my niece and nephew. They are twins....aren't they a pair of Buttons?

2005-05-31T07:33:00.000-07:00

Tay....always the ladies man....with some of my favorite former students. Two of which are part of a set of triplets....can you tell which ones? Doesn't Tay look happy?

2005-05-31T07:23:00.000-07:00

This is My Tay with the daughter I never had...MLR. Pic from the swimming party on May 19.

Indy 500 TV Ratings Jump 40 Percent - Yahoo! News

2005-05-30T14:57:00.000-07:00

Indy 500 TV Ratings Jump 40 Percent - Yahoo! News: "NEW YORK - Danica Patrick's first
Indianapolis 500 made for great television. ABC's broadcast on Sunday drew a 6.6 overnight rating and a 17 share, up 40 percent from last year and the highest since 1997.
ADVERTISEMENT
click here

Patrick, who became the first woman to hold the lead at the Indy 500, led several of the final laps before settling for fourth. The ratings during the last 15 minutes of the race spiked to 8.8/21.

Dan Wheldon passed the 23-year-old rookie with seven laps to go and coasted to his first victory at the Brickyard.

Last year's race, won by Patrick's Rahal-Letterman teammate Buddy Rice, drew a 4.7/11.

Arie Luyendyk's victory in the 1997 race, which finished on a Tuesday because of rain, drew a 7.6/19.

The rating is the percentage of all homes with TVs, whether or not they are in use. Overnight ratings measure the 55 largest TV markets in the United States, covering nearly 70 percent of the country. Share is the percentage of people actually watching TV at a time who tune in at any point during a specific program.

Each overnight rating point represents about 735,000 TV homes."

Now I know that Indy racing is a man's thing. I know that Danica Patrick is one of those girls that is finding her place in a man's world. I have to think, sociologically,that the reason the ratings were up was because that more women tuned in to see if she could really do it, which she did, I might add. I know she didn't win per se, but she did win one for the girls. The H came downstairs to tell me to watch....we are one step away from seperate bedrooms all over the TV! I rooted for her for like 8 minutes and was proud to see her finish. You go Danica!

stuff...

2005-05-30T13:39:00.001-07:00

I added some stuff to my blog...please sign my guestbook....scroll down to access. Also the tagboard....much more fun if someone leaves me message.

The H went to the store and is preparing a feast today. Steak and white corn cheese grits and salad. Yum! We punted on the Boston Butt idea. We don't have a smoker and the H did not want to work that hard for a meal anyway. I guess I was channeling a chef on HGTV or something when I thought we could do a BB. I can't remember the last time I had a steak so I am going to enjoy this!

The kids are here and we have enjoyed a lazy weekend. I am glad they were here to see us relax. They have also seen me reading....a lot and I am glad because neither of them loves it like I do. In education, they tell you that modeling is important. I hope they are getting a love for books by osmosis....Note to self: Take them with you to the library, you moron mom!

Nothing much else going on. I am going to go play around, find some blogs, games I haven't played and other interesting internet stuff. More later!

On the menu...

2005-05-30T13:39:00.000-07:00

Book and Movie Reviews and etc...

2005-05-29T07:33:00.000-07:00

Enough of the warm fuzzy Don't Miss Anything. I sent my last post to my mother, sister and aunt because they would "get it". Mom cried....told me to keep everything I write....on it Mom...that is why I blog, Auntie Nutcase thought the writing was excellent, and sister sent no response....typical. Too busy living idyllically at the lake. Enough.

The H mercifully took the boys and 2 of their friends to a hidden waterfall in GA. Time for male bonding for them. Time for me to do nothing but what I wanted to. I did not clean, I did no laundry. I did watch 2 movies....Vanity Fair (Don't Miss if you like 17th century period pieces. The costumes are beautiful and so is Reese Witherspoon.).....and In Good Company in which I was very disappointed. Caught a nap during this one.

I spent most of my day yesterday alone with a book. I read A Lotus Grows In The Mud, Goldie Hawn's memoirs. I finished it this morning and to be quite honest, I have decided that it just left me pissed off. Seriously, how happy can one person be? It is a terrific read, though. I reluctantly give it a Don't Miss. However, I am learning more from the tragically flawed, perpetually spiritual, awesomeness that is Anne Lamott. She is the real deal people. You have to read Traveling Mercies and Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith which I will finish today when we parcel the boys out to go on the lake with their friend B and his parents. Turn about is fair play....we had B with us yesterday and they better effing stay out there all day.

The PF called yesterday asking what we had planned for Memorial Day and its observance on Monday. I wanted to tell him in true Napoleon Dynamite fashion, "Whatever we want to...gyahhh!" He was nice, just being curious, so I did not. He would not have gotten it anyway.

Hearing the young ones rising, I must go. I will be back later. I want to look around for some stuff to spice up my site.

Sycamore Tree...

2005-05-27T04:37:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when I have to go to work, and the alarm goes off, I am dead to the world enjoying the best of dreams. Getting out of bed is like trying to pull against the weight of the world. When I am on vacation, my eyes pop open at 5:23 and I cannot be still and drift back to sleep. I had slept fittfully the H told me. Not bad dreams, just unsettling and unmemorable. I had told J that we weren't going to walk because of an early meeting later this morning, but I find myself wanting to hit the road on my own. When I walk with J, I have to slow down. She is much shorter than my 5'9" self and trying to exercise because of a heart condition she has recently developed. Me, with all my drinking and smoking, I find myself holding back so she can keep up. It dawns on me that I can really skate on my own so I get up, set up the coffee, take a long look at my kids who are sleeping on the fold out couch in the den....Brooks is peaceful on his back....I want to kiss his eyelids.....Taylor is contorted with such a vengence....he is a rocker and lands where he does and sleeps and snores with such a sweetness. I fight my impulse to snuggle with them by stretching and then I hit the coolness of this rare Alabama morning with great gusto. It is a beautiful day.

As I get started, I think about Anne Lamott. I am reading her latest book, Plan B, More Thought On Faith. She reminded me that when I walk I should look up and so I did. I saw a sycamore tree right around the corner from my house. I didn't think they grew this far south. It was tall and green with bark peeling off the massive trunk that revealed several shades of ecru and taupe. I immediately said out loud, "Daddy".

The house in which I grew up had a very large sycamore tree in the backyard under which my parents had built what I remember to be the biggest deck ever. Dad had stained it green using the Kirby vacuum cleaner...a thought that brings a smile to my face when I think about it. Dad believed in doing it himself and that Kirby that we still had 10 years later still had green paint on it. The tree was beautiful most of the time and a huge pain in the neck all of the time. The leaves, when they fell were huge and the fuzzballs that fell were a pain to sweep away. To me, that tree meant home. I felt safe under it alone in our truly funky swinging chair or with a gathering of friends. I always wanted to climb it but didn't dare because I knew I wasn't allowed. After we moved, I heard that it had burned in a fire and was no longer standing. I mourned for the sycamore tree that had meant so much to me.

I never would have thought of that tree and my Daddy who we lost over 10 years ago if I had not gotten my butt out of bed and taken that walk on my own. The grief over his loss remains and will never go away. However, some of the pain has been replaced over a long time with such sweet memories of happiness and true familyhood. Those feelings washed over me this morning. I never would have looked up if I had not read Anne Lamott. I am grateful for the whispers that God puts in my ears....like "Go to the library," or "Hit the road, you will be glad you did, Kiddo." I am grateful for summer vacation when I have a chance to relax and quiet myself enough to hear. I have a lot to accomplish this summer and I will be very busy. I mostly want to have more mornings like this morning so my soul is fed, my body is fit and for a moment I can take a deep breath and know that life is complete.

Safe, coming home and making plans...

2005-05-26T15:25:00.000-07:00

Heading to the ball field in a little while. The H has asked to be excused. Some of his friends are in town and he needs to bond....cool with me. Who is going to keep the stat book? Not me my friend. The last time I did I nearly had a nervous breakdown. I have a master's degree and should be able to do it but it can be so complicated! A pop fly foul flew over the fence and was heading straight toward my noggin and instead of holding up my hands to catch it, I tried to get up and got tangled in the book and my pencil....fell off the side of my shoe....lost my balance trying to correct and landed square on my knee into the sharpest point of the memorial plaque inserted in the ground commemorating the 199o something Dixie Majors National Championship. Hurt like a motherfucker! To the onlooking fans I stretched out my arms and hollered "Safe!" which got a huge laugh and enabled me to get up and hobble back to my chair where I started to cry behind my sunglasses....out of pain and more so out of embarrassment. My stat keeping days ended there. What a spaz!

I think Tay will be coming home tonight and Brooks will probably stay with his dad. Facts are fact, if asked today, who would you rather live with, Tay would come here and B would go there. It is what it is. The PF would really think he had won. I am glad that question is not being asked.

Took a ride to Dothan today to see a doc. Enjoyed being on my own. I got a lot of things thought through....for example....how I want to spend my summer, what I want to accomplish, where do I want my life to head in the next six months....stuff like that. You see, I am a planner, list maker....not OCD by any means. I have to set goals....resonable ones. I have to see progress. It is just how I am made. I have to figure a way to communicate that to my H in a non-threatening way. I just want to move forward together and I am not sure how he will take that. Should I risk laying it all out there knowing that his reponse will probably be retreat, blaming himself, a few days in the cave incommunacado? The other option is to keep the status quo and things staying the same. Note to self....this is a biggie...don't fuck up.

Coors, My Day, Summertime and Coors...

2005-05-25T15:18:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a beer in a while. I have been taking a long perusing and interesting walk through the wine sections lately. I landed on a pretty little sauvignon blanc called Corbett Canyon...And stayed....for like a year.
Definitely from the bottom of the hill where the wine grapes grow....cheap and delicious....must be about 20% alcohol because it consistently knocked me on my ass. Don't try the red because it really sucks.

Busted out yesterday and bought a case of Coors Light. Crisp summertime buzz....I remember this feeling. Warm and real but not out of control. Makes you want to say Hmmmmmm.

Don't worry, the boys are not home. It is just me and yes I am drinking alone. The H is at work and does not drink. He is never critical of my drinking....except if I get sloppy. I appreciate that about him. He had is fun and now he wants me to have mine. It is summertime and I am relaxing with a brew....life is good.

My cat just walked on the keyboard and messed up my post. Now he is curled up in my computer desk purring. His name is Atticus but we call him Stink. He is a lover cat. So I am not drinking alone after all. I have a buddy with me.

Went to the library today. I got Anne Lamont's new work, Goldie Hawn's autobiography and a John Grisham just for fun. I will review...

Also went to the video store...expect more reviews of recent releases on DVD. Probably movies you have already seen because you live in towns where there is a MOVIE THEATER!

Finally, the grocery which I hate mostly because I am just not that good at shopping. I must say, I did good this time...actually came home with some food. Problem now is that it has to be cooked. I did get some pork chops and the ingredients for my broccoli slaw. If you want the recipe, let me know....it will make you want to slap yo' grand mamma! May have to make it for myself because the H will eat it but is not a huge fan. For him, I got Fire and Ice...onions, cucumbers and tomatoes to marinate in vinegar and oil, with salt and pepper. Yum!

I have also been thinking about Memorial Day which we usually do not observe but wouldn't a Boston Butt be good? Pulled pork sammies, pork and beans and more broccoli slaw? A few cool friends, all our kids running around.....Oh, and Coors, lots of that!

2005-05-24T15:32:00.000-07:00

I am really enjoying my vacation. School got out last week. My "graduates" had their birthday. We celebrated with other soon to be 6th graders. Note to self....reinstall picassa so you can show pictures! The PF called and asked it he could take the boys...I did not even let him finish his thought...yes! They have been gone since last Thursday and I have been able to get so much done!

I have walked the past two mornings with my friend J. It has gotten me off to a great start each day and I have gotten so much accomplished as a result. The house is becoming recognizeable as I am trying to do something each day to get that result. I have gotten a haircut and I even spoke at Kiwanis yesterday....trying to get money for my enrichment camp. I got 2 scholarships....that brings our number of campers to 43.

That is pretty much it for me. I am going to check in on all of y'all now. Expect comments!

Two cats, four eyes...

2005-05-24T15:28:00.000-07:00

The H and I took our Kitty Boy to the vet today....He had gotten a slash in his left eye 2 weeks ago. We thought he was going to lose it. We found out today that he is fine. They released his veil that they had sewn to his forehead....eww and ow! He has been the cyclops kitty for so long....po' thang! Probably will run in the range of over $200 but I do not care. My Kitty Boy is ok!

Don't Miss....movie reviews

2005-05-20T13:37:00.000-07:00

I have to share three wonderful movies with you.

Kinsey

Liam Neeson and Laura Linney head up this cast along with several other yummies. This is the story behind the famous Kinsey sex studies. It touches....no....GOES THERE....EVERYWHERE. Very sexual and honest. Very real. What are we at the heart of our selves but the sex we are having? Not much. How brave and intelligent of Dr. Kinsey to find out by personal experience that sexual urges, repression, hang-up and joys are all connected to our upbringing and the upbrining of the people who bring us up. We are all different. There is no normal. The scene near the end with his father is heartbreaking and wonderfully expressed. I give this one a Don't Miss for sure.

Birth

This is the much talked about movie that stars Nicole Kidman. It is one of the movies that there is only 1 or two copies of in an Alabama movie rental place. I love those movies because it usually means that they are controversial and great but not very well understood. This is the story of a little boy who represents the reincarnation of Kidman's character's late husband. It is slow, but artistic. The music is beautiful and so is the lighting. There is a scene where Nicole Kidman's character Anna realizes that she is still in love with her late husband....she really thinks this little boy is him and I swear the camera stays in her face for what seems like an eternity but I so got it. It took that long for the realization to wash across her face and is wonderfully portrayed by Kidman. We will be seeing a lot of the child actor who plays Sean. He is brilliant. A definite Don't Miss for this one.

A Love Song For Bobby Long

Standing rule....Don't Miss Anything that John Travolta is starring in. One of my favorites of all time. This is the story of an old college professor and his assistant trying to make a life after a terrible tragedy. Scarlett Johansen plays the tough and wounded Pursy, who does not realize the importance of Mr. Long in her life. Set in New Orleans, there are scenes and songs about Alabama, illusions to life in the South, references to not understanding the heat but being led by it at the same time. I really enjoyed this movie. I was telling the H about it and he said it sounded like a chick film to him. He is going to miss it but don't you. It is really good.

The boys turned 11 yesterday and I will not bore you will the story of their birth. It is a great story and I told it to them again for the 11th time yesterday. I tell them "Happy Birthday, I am so glad I had you, do you want to hear the story?" every year. This year, we had a house full of boys on summer vacation when I said it. Thank goodness I had a bra on when I came downstairs. I expected that they would say no and ignore me, but no. They turned off the TV and told their friends to listen because Mom tells the best stories. I will remember it always. Don't Miss telling your children, on their birthday, the story of how they came into the world.

Beautiful Package...

2005-05-17T15:24:00.000-07:00

I just had a conversation with my soon to be 11 year old son. I told him that I thought his girlfriend was fast and that if he gets her pregnant before they were married then there would be hell to pay. I also told him that it was my boyfriend in 6th grade that taught me how to French kiss....under a table in the cafeteria of my Catholic school during the St.Valentine's Basketball Tournament that my parents were in charge of. Sister Constance would certainly blush at my behavior....so would sister Martha Mary who was the inspiration for The Church Lady....orthopedic oxfords and all. She hated me. She hated my boyfriend. Her greatest joy was to intercept love letters. I swear she lived for it. She,by the way, is one of the reasons that I am not a Catholic anymore...that and the ill treatment of women in the Church, the stand on divorce when I have biblical reasons for not being married to the father of my children, divorce and human rights issues related to death and dying. Wow, how did I get here...back to the subject.

I have always told both of my boys that sex is a wonderful thing between two people who love eachother. I have told them that they have so much to look forward to. I have told them that if done too early then there are emotional consequences. So many people are messed up about sex and I do not want my boys to be in with that crowd. We have always talked openly about it and I assured Taylor that I would have died if Mom knew that I was under a table tittilating this young adolescent unaware. I told him that he should never be afraid of telling me everything. He said since I was telling all that he should too. He said, "Mom, I have like 15 pubic hairs." My response? "Show me!" He did! He has always had such a beautiful package....since birth I have been proud of being involved with the making of such a lovely set of "meat and veg". I mean perfection, people! Now there is hair growing "there" and I am afraid that it will not be as pretty.....that he will not be as willing to show me.....ok, that he is growing up. I am not afraid of his growing up. In fact, I am thrilled at the possibilities for my twin boys.

They are so different to have been in me at the same time. Brooks has the mind of an engineer or architect. I saw them today....school is out for fifth grade so on my way home from a meeting at another school, I saw my boys running barefooted and dirty down the sidewalk. Brooks flagged me down and said, "Momma, I have two things to say. First, hey and second is that house a Gothic Victorian?" We just finished a unit on architecture in our gifted class. I told him yes and he was thrilled. Taylor, on the other hand wants to be an orthepedic surgeon (he broke his arm last year which sent me into what is the closest to a nervous breakdown that I have ever had.....I quit blogging over it) or a hedge maze designer ....have you ever seen The Shining?. I told him he should go to medical school and design hedge mazes in his spare time. He was down with that....actual conversation...."Taylor, how many people have hedge mazes here in our town?" "Nobody." "How many people, excluding yourself, have had broken bones?" "A lot!" I rest my case.

I am trying to not miss anything as I finish up school and begin my summer...I am talking about sex with my boys and wanting to kill people at work. The world is still spinning, of that I am sure.

Didn't you get the handbook?

2005-05-16T14:37:00.000-07:00

I got it. I have had it since I was born. Page 141, Roman Numeral 4, small letter a, subsection 12. It clearly states that any woman who has planned a reception for two months, should not be interfeared with in anyway. Especially when the woman in charge was asked to complete said task because, "we don't want to have to worry about it." What is the problem with these alpha females that cannot give up control? What is it about me that sent the message that I could not handle it? I am talking about the 5th grade graduation reception. It was a nightmare for me that I have been living since March. It is over now and it really went well but WTF made the school secretary feel that she had to take over the whole shebang!

The boys have graduated and have finished school for the year. They have gone to their dad's and I will see them tonight at Brooks' ball game. They actually won on Saturday and it was beautiful! their first win since the season started.

The PF's wife was wonderful at graduation. Have you ever had an important event that you wanted to preserve for posterity and you just became Audio/Visually intolerant? Seriously, have you? I would love to hear about it. I bought film for my antique camera....circa 2001. And was all ready to load....wrong kind. No prob...I will use the school's digital camera and send some shots off to Mom who could not attend because she is taking care of a sick friend. Good for her. I left it charging during the ceremony and afterwards came back to nothing. Turns out, I had left the plaguey thing on and it does not charge when in the ON mode. Mother Fucker! The PF's wife took lots of pics and offered to get double prints. I will get to see them tonight at the game. I must say that things are better and I hope they continue. I had hoped to get a picture of me and the H and the boys but he left early to get back to work. I wanted to kick his ass later but didn't. We don't have many photo op's so I thought this would be a good time with us all together....I guess not. Disappointed again. Shouldn't that be in the husband handbook? Roman numeral 4, subsection 3, number 2. Do not leave any important function.....even if it is no big deal to you....when your wife wants to take pictures. Didn't you get the handbook?

Did I say you wouldn't hear from me?

2005-05-11T16:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I am here. I am enjoying a quiet moment before the boys come home. The H just went to the store and came home with everything we needed...there is a story there. There are times that I send him and he comes home with some Ass Hat stuff. Totally blowing the budget and totally bringing nothing that I need to eat. Tonight was a big success. He brought home hot wings and a roasted chicken which should satisfy all in the house. Did I tell you about the purse I got for Mother's Day? Totally cute and the H was totally listening...I dropped a hint about two weeks ago and he picked up on it people! I have been showing that shit off at work for sure. It really is too cute and the fact that the H got it was so meaningful to me. We are in such financial stress right now... we could not afford any gifts but he did it anyway...I told him we may have to pawn it at the end of the month...it is that bad. When he came home with the mother grocery lode, I said, "You really don't want me to leave you do you!" It was a statement not a queston. He said, "NO!" with emphasis. He does not realize that it is that easy to keep me here. Take care of me...work with me on the finances...cherish me without money....I don't need gifts, I need you. I need someone on my side. I need to believe in us and that will sustain me. He went a long way to help me this week. I hope it keeps going.

One day at a time...

2005-05-10T14:53:00.000-07:00

I thought that I was not going to write this week because of its hecticity....if that is not a word then I claim it! Then I decided that, in the spirit of not missing anything, I should. So here I am.

Yesterday, Brooks pitched his first game this season. It did not go very well. Lots of hits. However, thinking about things in a different way, our defense sucked and if those little pishers had done their job it would not have seemed so bad. Coach later put B on first and moved some other folks around and things started clicking. Keep B on first....please!

Today, faculty meeting and shopping for graduation. We are finished and the boys are going to look sharp on Friday. Does everybody "graduate" from fifth grade? I know I didn't! Anyway. The boys have to wear dress pants and shoes, white shirts and ties. So grown up. And I got it all here in our little town. Excellent.

Tomorrow, I have to get one more teacher present. That's it for Wednesday. Good thing because check out Thursday. Christ Child Circle at 3:30....I would blow it off but I have to go and do my report and show the new stationery that I ordered for the club, graduation reception set-up from 5-6. Speed from there to the other side of town to catch the last of Brooks' ballgame. Friday is graduation and I have taken the day off so I can enjoy the festivities and go home and crash. The boys will go home with their dad and the H and I will have the house to ourselves. I hope they stay a week. Summertime! I don't get out until the 18th but it will be great to get finished up. Everybody says that I am going to miss them in the fall when they go off to the middle school, but right now, I don't think so. It is time for some space!

We have had some surgery in our family this week. The Boy....the Kitty Boy had his eyeball punctured in a fight. We watched him all weekend and took him in to the vet on Monday. They have sewn his third eyelid shut so he can heal and he is just pitiful. My poor baby! Antibiotics and ointments. He has to stay inside for 2 weeks! How are we going to do that? He is my nature boy! He loves going outside....he stopped using the litter box years ago...I can't wait for school to be out so I can take care of him.....and sell my body so I can afford to pay the vet bill...LOL! I am not worried. It will all work out.

You might not hear from me for a couple of days....I will be a little booked. It felt good to write. I can't wait to have more time this summer to read about your lives and write more about my own.

Presenting books...

2005-05-05T18:13:00.000-07:00

I belong to a book club and I was in charge of presenting the books of the year...it went well...I love it and I am proud to do it because I makes me responsible for keeping up with the reading I should be doing all the time. Thanks to the NY Times and Amazon, I am able to fake what I cannot keep up with.

This club I belong to is over 100 years old. It was organized to support the Carnegie Library that was built in our small town many years ago. We still support the library. My mother in law and her mother were members and I never even knew them. Our oldest member is in her nineties...I used to be the youngest member...I was the youngest that attended today. I take so much from the women that are in this club. I admire not just that they were able to marry...or not... and live such accomplished lives but that they still want to come to these meetings and that they are still able to attend. Some of our members pick up ladies from the nursing home to attend. These are the solid women...they are survivors, of marriage, of the loss of a spouse, of illness and of struggle to be who they are. They come to the meeting each month to be fed....still. I love each and every one of them.

Of course, while I was off feeding my soul, the H had to deal with the boys this afternoon. Brooks had to be at ball practice and Taylor went home with a friend. The H came through and everyone was at home when I got home...hungry and ungrateful that I had a few moments to myself with some remarkable women that have really affected my life...not the H....he gets it because his mom was in this club....the boys...not so much.

I am tired and stressed. I do this every year. School will be out very soon and it will be good for everybody.

Did I mention that I am doing a summer enrichment camp...Camp Invention. If you have a child going into grades 2-6, then this is the camp for him or her. The Camp is in 48 of our states and it is worth every penny of the cost! If you would like to donate money toward our camp down here is rural Alabama, where there are many smart kids from single parent families or others that would benefit from coming to our camp...please let me know...I am accepting contributions! If there is a Camp Invention in your area....send your kid...if you can't afford it...ask about scholarships! It is sponsored by the National Inventors Hall Of Fame and was organized to make sure that creative kids are not being left behind...don't get me started!

Ok, I am done...I am going to check out some blogs and then sleep....Don't Miss...Out!

I am not melting down...

2005-05-04T14:52:00.000-07:00

Lots going on people.....Lots going on. Let's see. Took the boys shopping for graduation clothes. Found Brooks some pants and a tie...I let him pick it out but reserved veto power. He made a good choice. He may look like his dad but he has his mother's sense of style. Taylor is a work in progress. Imagine having twins in a clothing store where they really do not want to be, refusing to share a dressing room and me running between the two rooms spread strategically in two different corners of the store. It was then that my sandal broke. Fantastic. I walked around barefoot for a while. I found some slides at Goody's later but they don't have dress clothes for boys. I really did not intend to buy for myself but it was a necessity. Just talked to the step PF and she said that she will look for Taylor some pants this weekend. They are also providing the shirts...God bless them. The boys have Timberland kind of shoes at their dad's but I am thinking that for graduation, they will need something a little more dressy.

Additionally, my grandmother, Nana, 96, is fading fast. I hate to say but I am afraid that we may lose her this summer and we will need some funeral clothes. Don't get me wrong...I don't want her to die but I hope she does before the boys grow out of these clothes that we are about to buy. No time for guilt. She has not recognized any of us in about 5 years. When my Dad, he son died 10 years ago, I saw her slip and start to fade. I don't care how old you are, you should not have to bury your child. I really affected her. Bless her heart. When I thought about getting pregnant, I talked to Nana. She and I had a special relationship. She and Dad had a special relationship. I don't want her to go. I want her back like she was....mine. I want my Dad back like he was....not sick....just mine.

Also going on right now baseball, Taylor might have asthma....meds to the tune of 88.00 plus the doc visit, in charge of the 5th grade graduation reception, giving a paper at book club tomorrow, director of Camp Invention this summer and trying to raise funds, the end of school OMG!

I am not having a meltdown....I just refuse. John Lennon said that, "Life is what is happening while you are making other plans." I am trying not to miss anything right now but it is hard.

Oh my lover....

2005-04-28T16:36:00.000-07:00

....how are you? You look so comfortable laying there like that. You respond to me like a lover should...I know you want me....you long for my caress....you love for me to tittilate you with my less than manicured fingers....I move from your beautiful mouth to your chin to your ears....you love me to play with your ears...just teasing...I move down your spine with expert hands...you love it and respond....oh and I love to pat and I do....I catch my breath...did you eat today? Yes? I saw feathers... was it a bird? Did you love it? I hope you did my lover....MY CAT! Atticus Copper Catticus! Did you kill a bird today? We have to live in balance with nature my friend! I give you all the food you need! Why did you have to go and kill an innocent bird? I know that you are a carnivore but WTF? What's that? It shit on my car and you didn't like it? You had to step up? Ok....I understand...it is alright, my lover....you did it for me. Will you help me clean up this cat vomick in here? Can I pat your pink pitties? Will you move out of the basket that I keep the bills in so I can work? No? Oh my lover...

In defense of the PF's wife....

2005-04-28T16:19:00.000-07:00

I forgot to tell y'all that the PF's wife....yes, my boys' stepmother...took the boys and her own child for pictures....to sit for pictures. She had the proofs at Brooks' last game and she made a big deal about showing them to me. OMG....my babies and her baby....too precious. I have said that I just can't help myself around that baby....he is precious. She went to the trouble of having single pictures made of each of the boys. They are wonderful. My boys look so grown! Then she dropped it on me....she ordered the single pics of my boys for me for Mother's Day. She did not have to do that. Restored my faith....still keeping some concern in reserve....I am grateful. This woman gets it now that she has had a child of her own. She loves my babies....I love hers. Let's leave the PF out of it ok? I just can't go there.

I have to get her something for Mother's Day....I guess I will let the boys pick it out. I am so grateful....some mothers have to let their kids go home to their dad and his crack whore. Not me. She loves my boys. She is thinner than me...grr...but she loves my boys.

Field Trips Part Deux....

2005-04-28T14:50:00.000-07:00

Took fourth grade gifted to the same place we took second and third yesterday. Beautiful day and just as successful as yesterday. Animal architecture and building architecture. Compare and contrast. Enough...Let's play!

The main event was the new playground. I was donated by a family who had lost their child to SIDS. Six hundred volunteers showed up last weekend for the construction of this massive play land. Volunteer construction, landscaping, mulching....three semi truckloads full...artists...it is called Wesley's Peanut Barnyard. The group yesterday was actually the first group of kids to play on the new stuff. It was beautiful and moving to think that from one families tragedy so many other kids could be happy.

I was greeted at the return by my principal....she said, "Don't freak out..." I love her, remember I did her daughter's make-up for prom....she loves me. She said I forgot to give medicine to GD. OMG....major faux pas in this day and time. I called the mom, told her GD was sunshine happy boy all day....I wasn't lying, he was....what did wouldn't be with a wetland, snakes, beaver dams, a gecko, a lizard, multiple animal pelts, old buildings and this massive playground to let some of that energy go! It was great! I have many at risk kids in my program....discipline problems but gifted nonetheless. They were angels. I have a child named after a famous basketball player.....I cannot tell you his name but he plays for the Miami Heat after having been traded by the LA Lakers....are you hearing me? Large man... ok...I don't want this blog to be picked up on a Google search if I name the child. Anyway, he grabbed me around the waist and wanted a hug. He said, "Thanks for the field trip." I am so going back tomorrow!

Must run....Brooks has to get to practice.

Field Trips...

2005-04-27T16:37:00.000-07:00

Took second and third grade gifted on a field trip today. "Animal Architecture" at a nature park about an hour away. Loved it. Beautiful day. Good content. Great parents on board. I am exhausted. Lots of sun and wind and activity.....tired.
Two more trips this week....more later about that.

Tina...my new friend.....you think I am balanced and I thank you for that. I work at it daily. Remember, I am the same person the calls my ex the PF. How balanced is that? I am trying to not be anxious and use all of the other tools I have been given. And I have been blessed with many tools because of my upbringing. I have tried to copy this and send it to you personally but I cannot so all the world will be able to read. Thanks for being on my side. You know so little about me but you understand so much. Thanks.

This just in...

2005-04-26T17:55:00.000-07:00

I just got in from a middle school orientation meeting. The boys will be starting 6th grade in August. I must say, I went in kind of weepy but came out very excited about what lies before them. They are going to love it over there! The academics are great and there are plenty of exploratory classes for them to try over the three years they will be there.

I have been awfully anxious the past few weeks and today I decided that all that is doing is hurting me. I like good stress...the kind that pushes me because I want things to go well. My job is full of opportunities for that because I am in charge of a lot of things at my school. I do not like my recent habit of worrying about things that I have no control over. Most everything is going to be alright....whether I worry about it or not. I am not a religious person, but I consider myself spiritual. God tells us to look around and consider the flowers that bloom everywhere. If He takesd care of those, how much more does He care about us? I read a poem about that very same thing today....it has made me think and calm down very much. Everything is going to be okay.

Gotta go....the Braves are on and I am way behind!

Prom...

2005-04-23T15:06:00.000-07:00

I just got back from my boss' house. Her daughter, a freshman, is going to the Junior/Senior Prom tonight and she asked me to do her make-up! (I worked for Clinique when I was in graduate school.) I went last night so we could just play. Tonight was all business. Was I ever that thin? Did my skin ever look like that? Her dress is so beautiful. It is turquoise and taupe and silvery....amazing! I eased out so they could have some family time....momma and grandmomma were crying. Stepdad was just patting his foot....speechless for once.

S said that her daughter had something special for me...I told her it was not necessary because the gift was getting to come out there and help! I had a great time. She has a daughter that is Brooks and Taylor's age. She is lovely as well. I so understand arranged marriages now....I would sign the papers today! I don't get to do the girly stuff because I am surrounded by testosterone....even the cats are male! It was fun to go do girl stuff for once!

Coffee, church and the car...

2005-04-17T07:46:00.000-07:00

I think coffee tastes better in dishwasher washed cups....just an observation.

The H just went to church. Evidently, he met a preacher at the coffee shop. He said they talked a long time and think alike on almost everything. He mentioned it to me and since I did not react....he said I didn't seem excited about the idea of going....he did not wake me up in time to go with him. Funny, because I thought last night that it would be nice to do that together. It is just something I believe....married people should either go to church together or not go together. One married person does not go alone because it causes others to think about the spouse who is not there. Not that I care what people think.....but still, if I attended the church that we a supposed to be going to, my friends would think...poor Don't Miss...she has to come to church by herself. Where is her H? I don't want to be the "poor" anyone.

I told him I was mad because he made the assumption that I did not want to go but I did not make a flaming deal out of it because he apologized and I knew I could write about it and get it out of my system. I am happy that he made a connection with someone because the H is a very deep thinker and sometimes considered a loner. We don't have many couple friends. The H said he had gotten tired of playing that game. I guess some of it is the product of marrying someone 10 years older than you...you have to deal with their thought processes even if they are different than yours. I understand him better than he thinks. Dr. Phil would say that if you want your spouse to be a better communicator, then start by being a better communicator yourself. So I guess that is what I should do.....note to self.

Ok, it is out and I feel better. I am going to finish my excellent coffee in the cleanest mug ever and then I think I will go outside and work in the yard because it is a beautiful day. I think it will do me some good. Then, Tay will be home because he will not want to go to Brooks'
baseball practice. He and I will do some team cleaning and that will be fun....right....the kid likes to eat breakfast in the car on the way to school. He does not like to bring in his trash. Even he said that we needed to clean the car out....so it is really bad. Also, I am driving some girls to Montgomery for a meeting on Wednesday and I just cannot have them in my car in the condition it is in....eww!

More later

2005-04-16T17:25:00.000-07:00

I have been a complete and total slug today...no cleaning....I stayed in bed until 2. Shame on me? No. I loved it. The phone rang...the H talked...it did not matter. When I got up, I came downstairs and got on the computer and played some games...phone is ringing...I don't care.

I just talk to my sister....she called while the family was getting supper....sort of obligatory.

Not much else is going on...

Heading to the ball field...

2005-04-14T16:05:00.000-07:00

and I love it. However, the stepwife....or should I call her the step PF...LOL...told me on Tuesday that neither she or the PF would be able to come to the game tonight....and she shows up. Get your story straight or please take advantage of the miracle we call email. Keep the motha informed or I will have to hurt you.

So we are heading that way....I think Brooks will be pitching tonight so I have armed myself with wine....I hate that he is a pitcher because he is such a better fielder. The kid can throw but I hate the pressure and he loves it.

Coming soon....pics from my sister's 40th birthday....my niece and nephew....I could eat them both with a spoon....just wait....don't miss...you will see what I mean.

Movie Reviews...

2005-04-13T16:23:00.000-07:00

I have been so remiss because I watched these movies last weekend. I am thinking about starting a whole new blog just for my pitiful out on video/DVD movie reviews....but I can barely keep up with this one....arrrgh! Not going to link because these movies have been available for awhile...

Spanglish
First, I love Adam Sandler....I would have 10,000 of his babies because of the way he talks to his kids in this flick and the way he was in 50 First Dates. Watch this movie if you want to confirm that you are a good mother because Tea Leoni plays the part of being a total asshole mother...I am sure she had to stretch there because she is married to a major hottie David Ducovney and I did not spell that right but have to believe that between the two of them, they are raising some righteous kids. I liked this....it is very wordy....but I liked this movie very much....don't miss.

Sideways
Started slow but I ended up loving it. I loved the actors but I am not going into the den to get the CD case to tell you who they were. Witty and clever....don't miss.

Bridget Jones, The Edge of Reason
I have resisted renting this movie...I just thought, I love the book, the first movie was ok, so I waited to get the second version. Bridget Jones is supposed to be me....us! Renee Z. was perfect in her plump costume. I think she does get it about us girls who are not size zero as she is when not in character. Hugh Grant.....10,000 babies....Colin Firth...10,000 babies. The fight scene....wouldn't any woman want that? My favorite line is about scary knickers...I absolutely love the British. Don't Miss...

Barbed Wire...

2005-04-13T15:08:00.000-07:00

I got a call today t 3:40. I can leave school at 3:30 but had some work to do so I, like so many teachers do, was staying late. The call was from the H. He needed me to pick him up from the public works department. OK. I knew it had finally happened. The Ford Fuckus....sorry Focus had finally died.

So the boys and I were cruising by and missed the turn because I forgot that I was supposed to pick him up. We had to turn around in the funeral home parking lot....sorry hon!

When we got back to public works, I saw the H, locked within the fence, trying to climb over near a sign. He slid down that sign and ran waving so I would not miss him...WTF! Someone had locked the gate without checking to see if anyone was still working at 3 o'clock. They locked the H and his car in!

The boys were so upset..."How are you going to get out B?" They got out of the car and went running to him. I stayed in the car and just chuckled. The H proceeded to climb on some vats and tried to slide down a telephone pole. Of course, his pants leg got caught on the BARBED WIRE and I had to come help. I proceeded to hold him up on the pole while Tay got his britch free from the wire. He slid down....we came home and I have not seen him since!

Ok, he just walked in and read what I wrote and we had a big laugh over it. He said to have fun at his expense...he doesn't mind. This man is about to take one of our boys to have Chinese food because T wanted to go. I know what I have...I am still laughing.

An e-mail from my sister on her 40th birthday...

2005-04-12T15:23:00.000-07:00

My sister sent a response to the email I sent her on her 40th birthday. I mentioned that she might not want to talk about turning 40. In response she sent me a list of things she likes about herself. It included things about fingernails and our family traits....seems kind of petty if you are an outsider but I got it. We can talk about those things. In response, I sent her my own list and here it is.

My husband loves me. We laugh together often.
My kids love me.
I have great hair....just got the cutest cut and the prettiest highlights ever! Even when my hair is ugly and three days dirty, I get complements.
I have a skin condition on my neck and arms...I may have lupus or reumatoid arthritis....will find out soon......at least it is not on my face.
I like my eyes.
I have lost 11 pounds without paying anyone to do it. I did it myself, for me, and I am not finished losing.
I like to talk. I am good at it. People think I am funny. My husband thinks I am funny.
I can write.
I have a cute house. The yard? Not so much...
My clothes do not reflect it right now, but I have good taste in dressing, corresponding, decorating and entertaining.
I still have great legs.
My bosoms and stomach are a testament to bringing two of the most beautiful boys into the world. There will be money one day to fix those things.
We are broke but I have learned more about being a grown-up because of the experience of losing everything.
I like myself as a result because of what I have handled and changed about myself and the situation.
I know the difference between what I want and what I need.
My boys like me, we laugh every morning on the way to school and they kiss me on the lips every morning before we say good-bye.
I have an operable dishwasher and disposal.
My car is almost paid for.
We have enough money in our home equity to pay the down payment on Taylor's braces.
I can hold my liquor.
I am not afraid of any human being and can talk to anyone.
I am a good wife but could be more supportive.
I am a good teacher and I love my job.
Our refrigerator is leaking but the cats has easy access to water.
Our cats are the best pets...EVER!
When my fingernails grow out a little, I think I have my mother's hands.
I got my father's feet but I think my toenails are coming around.
My favorite things in the world are watching Brooks play baseball and listening to Taylor repeat ever line of a funny movie we watched last night.
Family is important to me.

That felt great. Once you start it is hard to stop. Despite your circumstances, it becomes a gratitude list. My sister and I do not always get along, but on her 40th birthday, I thank her for making me think about my life in a good way.

__________________________________________________

Friday...

2005-04-08T14:28:00.000-07:00

It's Friday and a few things have been on my mind...

Sellouts

Aerosmith....an awesome rocker band....is selling Buicks. Dream on and drive a LaCrosse? I don't think so.
Julia Roberts....I guess she needed the money when she was pregnant....right. She couldn't do a movie but she could be the voice of AOL.
John Wooten.....UCLA basketball coach of much lore....the voice for Hartford Insurance? EWW!

Brooks had a scrimmage yesterday and the team we played was awesome. They have some pitchers on that team that are throwing the ball way too hard for their age. I saw a story on Real Sports (HBO) about an orthepedic surgeon who is doing tendon replacement surgery on kids as young as 13. These boys are playing baseball all year round and not doing anything towards getting themselves into the major leagues. Their parents are selling them out to these coaches who want to teach them the curve and make them pitch until they cry from the pain.
Brooks wants to pitch and has done a pretty good job so far in the younger leagues. After seeing that story, I don't know if I want him to pitch.

They just left for their dad's. Time to take a deep breath.

2005-04-06T14:13:00.000-07:00

The dishwasher fixer man is here! We pulled in tho the driveway and I saw his truck. After putting it in park, I put my hands in the air and gave a great big A flat or some such high note that signifies that heavenly blessings have been bestowed. The boys were silent. Then they erupted in laughter and it was a great moment.

He is in there tinkering away. After offering him a coke, some supper, and an opportunity for me to bear his child.....all which he declined. I have retired back here to tell of my joy! I must be an adult if getting an appliance fixed makes me feel so good. I must go now and compose a dance and concerto to commemorate this event....just kidding.

I have lost 9 and 3/4 pounds and I am happy about that too. I am very close to a zero and that is a reachable goal....baby steps....set reasonable goals....I have 30 more to go and I think I can do it...today. Remind me of this post when I plateau again!

I wish I had a blog in 1994...

2005-04-05T16:11:00.000-07:00

I have read several blogs that chronicle the lives of their child from birth until whenever. I wish I could have done that with Brooks and Taylor. I did write down everything they ate and drank for about 9 months because I needed to keep track of who needed what and when.....sleep deprivation and all. I also put in little notes about what went on and why it was special to me. I have those notebooks but I wish I had more like some of these modern computer mommas have now.

I was at the orthodontist with the stepmother talking about Taylor's mouth and the expense and she had her son there and he was so precious.

We came home and played in the driveway waiting for Brooks' ball practice to which she came to take him. Matt played around and B and T loved it and played with him. I saw Matt and the John Deere tractor....the old heavy metal one....one of two that I bought that Christmas.....pushing Brooks who was trying to pedal but whose legs have gotten much too long. I had one of those moments. One of those, "Where has the time gone?" moments that makes you sad. My babies are not babies any more. I think I might be getting old....I know my kids are growing up and I know that I am happy about that. I also know that I thought the H and I would have had a child by now....but I don't want one now. I know that getting closer to 40 means being closer to knowing yourself better than ever. I know that I am ok and I do not need to have kept a blog since 94 to realize that. That felt good. I needed to get that out.

Encouragement, My Ass...

2005-04-05T15:38:00.000-07:00

Just got an email from my Mom....entitled "Encouragement". It is one of those sicky sweet I love you faith based buck up little camper types of emails that I hate but don't have the balls to tell her not to send.

I want to reply and tell her that I talked to God last night and both He and His Son said that her rich ass should send her grandchildren to Space Camp. The Holy Spirit chimed in asking, "You mean she hasn't already offered that seeing that y'all live in Alabama and all? The Virgin Mary responded saying, "Blessed be....your Mother does so much for her other grandchildren, like attend any event in which they are going to blink....why would she not do this for the wee Brooks and Taylor?" Finally, I heard from the Pope. He told me that, "The poor and meek are blessed, but your mom is messed up!"

Oh yeah....then I heard from Dad and he said, " Don't be so hard on your mother....and don't make fun of the Pope....we are about to have a round of golf and I don't want to get bumped by someone who has raised grateful children."

Ok Dad, I miss you so much that you win....but I am still mad.

Another rant...

2005-04-04T16:34:00.000-07:00

I have got to get this one out...and I hate it because it is about my mother.

My father died 10 years ago. God rest his soul. I miss him so much. Thanks to the careful planning of my parents, my mother is in an extremely great financial situation. She just got back from Greece and went to Indianapolis on a whim because her beloved girls basketball team made it to the Final Four. They lost last night, I am so sad. Do you taste the sarcasm? I am just not into ladies basketball....I played in high school but that was 20 years ago. You go Mom...have a ball!

She asked me a few weeks ago what I could give the boys for graduation and their birthday. She is not coming to graduation. Granted, it is fifth grade graduation but around here, that is a big deal. Also, I am in charge of the reception, so I kind of wanted her to come and see me in action....ok, I still need parental approval. I was my Dad's favorite....without him, I am kind of on my own. Mom is there for me but not in the same way and after 10 years, I still cannot get used to it.

I asked her to send the boys' to Space Camp. I know, its a bit much. But, my sister's kids....ok...back up...my older sister, who is still married to her husband, who my mother paid to help them concieve their twins....lives in the same town as my mother. She sees those kids all the time and Mom cannot say no when L needs her to babysit free of charge, the kids who my Mom pays for golf lessons and Lord knows what else,....when I know my sis is rolling her eyes (about golf) when she comes to pick them up....I know that shit costs about the same as Space Camp. So, I am pissed off because she said no. Well, what are we going to ask for....Dragon Ball Z? She wants it to be meaningful....hey Ma, some engraved plaque commemorating this event is not going to cut it and I refuse to let you send them a game that they will get tired of in 2 months to signify this rite of passage.

I know...you are saying, tell it to Oprah. Poor me. I don't care. I am so mad. I have been getting so mad lately. Mad at the PF. Mad at the H. Mad at our situation. It is not supposed to be like this....it just is not. I am dealing with this and Mom wants to know why I am not going to my high school reunion? "You were still the rebound leader after 20 years....last time I checked". You care about that Mom, but you don't care about what I am dealing with right now. No one cares about my high school record. The cost of travel and braces...... I have two of the most beautiful children ever created and , even though I am not married to their PFing father anymore, that does not mean that they do not deserve to bask in some of my father's success. I am furious that you do not want to know them better. I am furious that you do not want to do this for them when I know that you are so able. You hurt me again. Again. You hurt me again. I am so tired of letting you and other people in my family hurt me so often like it doesn't matter.

I am not finished but I am finished. If I typed anymore, I would be here all night trying to explain how grateful/furious I am right now with my wonderful, kind, blind, infuriating Mother.

Back To It...

2005-04-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

Went back to work today and it was not pretty. No one was happy to be back....me especially. I was ill and irritated and just not very pleasant. Having some wine now so things are looking up.

I just watched Oprah. There is a new designer that I like...her name is Tory something and her line rocks....lots of tunics and embellishment.....looked really comfy and flattering for all sorts of figures. About that....I did not lose any weight over the break but did not gain any either. I consider that a triumph. Back on the program today but I did not get to eat breakfast because I had to go help with the first grade SAT. I did take my water and I will plan better for tomorrow.

Taylor is getting on board with me. He and I are trying to eat as much real food as we can. It is hard for him because Brooks is so slight. Taylor is not fat but he is bigger than his twin brother and that wears on him. Guess what?...the kid likes spinach....fresh spinach....can you believe it? I have concocted a sandwich that he absolutely loves. I saute' some fresh chicken in a touch of olive oil with garlic and basil, salt and pepper. Have you seen the Flatout bread at the grocery. Italian is our favorite. I put the chicken on a bed of fresh spinach with real bacon bits and a touch of parmesan cheese. A touch of Ceasar dressing and we wrap it up. We love it. B will eat it without the spinach and I am thrilled. Takes about 10 min to prepare....I will make more chicken tonight so we can take one for lunch tomorrow...the menu is yuck....don't even get me started on school lunches.

Now, I am going to take a few for myself and play Hexic at MSN Games. Another guilty pleasure. BTW, the disposal got fixed today, the dishwasher is going to be fixed Wednesday....I may explode with joy. I will think about that tomorrow if things get rough.

We broke a leg...

2005-04-02T19:34:00.000-08:00

We just got home from a wonderful evening. First of all, we love this town and want it to be successful. The Pilgrimage is a way that we can get the message out about our little place in the world and we were so proud to be a part of it. Not to mention the fact that the H and I do not have the opportunity to have much fun because of our finances. This was an easy way to enjoy eachother and our community together. Sign us up for next year....we are so there.

Now the H is upstairs and I am down here. I am hungry but I am not going to eat. It is too late and I am making so much progress that I do not want to mess it up with a late night binge. Of course, I thought we would go out to eat but nothing would be open except bad stuff so we are home. I have watched all my movies and tomorrow I will be in back to school mode so I think my break is officially over tonight. Plus the fact that we have to spring forward tonight....groan.

I hope the Pope rests in peace....g'night y'all.

I'm ready for my close-up, Mr.DeMille...

2005-04-02T15:41:00.000-08:00

Well, I am dressed and ready to go to our perfomance at the old house. The H says it will be fun and I must say I am looking forward to a good night. It is chilly here today so I hope I don't get hot in the dining room. I don't think women perspired back in the 1850's do you?

Evelyn....a movie review.
I saw Eveyln today and really liked it. Pierce Brosnan, Aiden Quinn, Stephen Rea and Julianna Margulies plus some really cute kids are in this one. It is the story of an family man in Ireland whose wife deserts him and their three kids.....perhaps she ran away with the PF....sorry couldn't resist....if you have no idea what I am talking about, please see post about the X....it is called "Caution". The kids get taken away from him and Pierce Brosnan has to fight to get them back. It is a good story and I couldn't find a flaw in it. Don't Miss Evelyn.

The Pope...

2005-04-01T17:22:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to kid around about The Pope. I joke about a lot of things but as a former Catholic, I can't about the Pope...Papa. His book Crossing The Threshold Of Hope was a connection between my late father and I....He struggled with his religion too.

How many Popes have you been around for? Me? Three and the new one will be four. I have seen the good this man has done and what he was allowed to do. I have seen what he has stood for for his religion and faith. I remember when he was ordained and when he was shot. I remember when he donned some Reeboks for his daily contemplative walk. He has kissed every continent but Antarctica.

I think faith is very important....it hasn't always worked for me. Maybe I have not always let it....anyway. The Pope is special to me.....even tho I don't practice his religion. Never did really....my Mom was on birth control after my birth....and she is the biggest Catholic walking! You see where I came from? I will miss him and I look forward to the changes the new Pope will bring.

My life of repeats....

2005-04-01T14:56:00.000-08:00

and waiting for things to come out on video and DVD.

I just saw the episode of Oprah where she had the cast of Seinfeld on because the first three seasons are coming out...ok have already come out on DVD.... but it was a good show. That crowd cracks me up!

I remember back in the day....I was talking to a friend of mine on the phone at the same time the "Master of my Domain", episode came out. That was when I started watching Seinfeld....becasue she could not talk to me when it came on. She had to go. I was mad but turned on the TV and I understood immediately. Thank you Kelly! I don't talk to you anymore but I can still catch Seinfeld in repeats.....lucky for me.

Last Day....and the weekend...

2005-04-01T13:36:00.000-08:00

It is the last day of my spring break. I know there is still Sat. and Sun. but I always get those days off. I am up and dressed but I did have a nap during my "stowries"...that's right I watch soaps. The Young and the Restless and Days occasionally but it has gotten just too damn silly. Guilty pleasure....sue me.

Today the Eufaula Pilgrimage begins. This is a tour of some of our city's finest older homes. There is also an art show, garden tours....it is a very big deal for our little town. The H and I usually lay low during this time because we have seen the homes and volunteered our fair share. But this year we will be helping at the Pugh-Wilkinson home. During the Candlelight tour, we will be staging a play of sorts at their dining room table with other couples. We are going to be the Pugh's, the couple who built the house in 1848. It is mostly ad lib but we try to get some history in there. Have to give the "pilgrims" what they want. I get to dress in period costume which means a shawl and a brooch and hopefully a fan. NO HOOP SKIRT! I draw the line there. After all, I will be sitting down. I just have to look the part from the table up. We were supposed to do it last year but Taylor broke his arm and I just wasn't in the mood to play...know what I mean? Should be fun. Tonight we are going to a porch party....very popular during the pilgrimage. You sit on folk's porches and watch the crowds go by during the tour. Sometimes there are two or three parties and you can make the rounds. I am looking forward to a great weekend.

The H took the boys to PF's.....you know who I am talking about. Brooks has been stand-offish this week but Tay has been a lover. Right up under me and it hasn't been all bad. WE have cooked and watched some movies. It has been a fun break. I hate to see it end but the sooner we get back to school, the sooner we will get out for summer. SAT's next week....ugh!

2005-03-31T15:22:00.000-08:00

It has been a great day. I think the best of my vacation. I have stayed in my jammies all day long. Had a long talk with Taylor about life....the kid rawks....The H has gone to the store to get some supper and snacks and stuff and I am alone for a minute. Just got finished watching The Incredibles....no link....you have already seen it..... which has left me feeling trippy as you can see by my imood indicator. My vino is keano and all seems right with the world for right now.

Tay wants a blog....here is the deal. If I set him up, I can read his all that I want but he can't read mine ever. That's the deal period. Otherwise, no deal. He does not need to know that his dad has relations with barnyard animals....that would be so wrong.

2005-03-31T12:12:00.000-08:00

Me: "Honey, I think something is wrong with our scales."
The H: "Oh really? How much do you think it is off?"
Me: "About 40 pounds."

Ya'll I am seriously trying to lose weight and it just ain't happening. I have been really, really good and it has not been hard but the scales ain't showing it. I know I should drink a lot of water which is really easier when I am at school. When I am at home, I tend to replace water with white wine.....a lot of white wine....do you think that might be the problem? Cheers!

Final Cut...a movie review.
This movie stars Robin Williams as a cutter. People are implanted with these memory chips that record people's entire lives from their point of view. The cutter's job is to edit this information to show at the funeral...or rememory ceremony. He is a sin eater....ever see The Order?.... of sorts because he gets to choose what stays and what goes permanently. Interesting premise and story. Some flaws but over all pretty good. Also stars Mira Sorvino and Jesus....I'm sorry....Jim Cavezil.

Terri Schiavo.

2005-03-31T12:09:00.000-08:00

I learned this morning that Terri Schiavo died. This may sound strange but I hope she is okay with the way everything went down. I hope she now is free and at peace.

Imelda Staunton....

2005-03-30T21:07:00.000-08:00

I just watched Vera Drake....I absolutely loved Imedla Staunton. She was nominated for the Academy Award for this role and now I understand why. This movie is British and taut and confined and generous and beautifully acted.

A few things off the list...

2005-03-30T13:29:00.000-08:00

Taxes...check.
Stationery....check.
Doctor....check....my appointment is May 4....WTF? I guess that will have to do.
Contacts....check.
Write really obscene things about the ex....CHECK...I had to go upstairs and lie down after that. My heart would not stop beating hard in my chest. I told the H about it and he thought I rawked because everything I said was true and he knows it. Hell, he has lived it with me. The H has forgotten more about being a good man than that man will ever know.

Are you going to deny it?

2005-03-30T13:25:00.000-08:00

Brooks just called and asked me that question....deny what?

"Taylor said you were going to buy him a new video game."
I heard T in the background all...."No No No...don't say that!" Hilarious.

Brooks, I told you that we were going to get you a TV for your room so don't you think that about evens us out?

Boys....give me a break! Let me look at this month's finances and I will get back to you!

Do you see what I am dealing with here?

Caution....a rant is emminent....

2005-03-30T09:26:00.000-08:00

I would like to warn you, gentle reader, that I am about to rant. This rant will contain but is not limited to the following.....irrational thought, words that my mother told me to NEVER use in combination, possible death threats and my personal convictions as a person. You have been warned.

"To the father of my children,

I thought we had it settled that what goes on over here stays over here and what goes on over there stays over there. Neither of us can control what goes on in eachother's houses. I know that when the kids are with you, you have their utmost best interests at heart. I deserve the same consideration you jack-assed, bigoted,lying, cheating, homewrecking, pig-fucking, pitiful excuse for a human being.

About the Easter presents....please give me a break. Your pitiful excuse for child support only goes so far and in case you haven't noticed, it is the end of the month again. That money goes toward, putting a roof over your boys' heads, helping to pay for a vehicle to taxi them around in, food and clothing. And you wonder why their jeans are torn and they are wearing last year's Old Navy t-shirt.....please cry me a river, you worthless piece of shit. I just paid $175 for Taylor's orthodontic evaluation and all of Brooks' start up expenses for baseball. Have you even stopped to give that a thought? Have you offered any sort of help? No. So, Taylor gets braces for Easter and Brooks gets to play the game he absolutely adores for Easter. Trust me....they will live.

Instead of throwing money at my kids, like your prince of a father (the same man that kissed me with his mouth open and felt me up every chance he got....the apple does not fall far from the tree) did with you because you were such a snotty pain in the ass little kid.....I prefer to spend my energies teaching them to be good quality individuals, and that is reeeeealy tough considering your side of the gene pool. You don't have a sincere bone in your body. What you had that was sincere was wacked off when you had your vasectomy. I am having to undo so much damage that just came with the boys like luggage. Explaining the divorce without ever telling them the whole truth about what happened you lying, cheating bastard. Helping them understand when you lie to them. Helping them to understand that our family is, "normal" with all of the complications from the stepfamily. Yeah that's right, I am talking about your wife. She is a lying, cheating homewrecker too. I will say this....I would much rather deal with her than listen to your fucking mouth spew vomitous, misinterpretations of why you should named Father of The Year!

I have done my best to try to make things civl between all of us. I have been nice when I really wanted to scream. For Christ sake, I was at the hospital when your youngest son was born becasue I didn't want the boys to miss his arrival in this world! Do I not get any credit for trying to be a good person? Evidently not.....and I know I never will. Think about that, you hypocrite, when you are sitting in church and praying for the redemption of your soul.

Perhaps you would prefer that I leave my H and take the kids so far away that you would never EVER see them again you.....I am out of obscene words to call you and I do not want to give you the dignity of me looking up words in the thesarus to describe you......beside, I doubt I could focus because I am literally seeing red. I have to bring this rant to a close because, if in my present state, I have a stroke or heart attack and die, it would make your smug ass just too damn happy.

Leave me the fuck alone you lying, cheating, two-timing, barnyard animal fucking, low down piece of rat excrement."

I am finished.....I am not proud but at least it is out there.

2005-03-29T18:54:00.000-08:00

Ok the phone is back....I am sure you are tired of reading about it. I am thrilled. I have already talked to my mother and sister in law. I feel better. Enough already.

My children came home today...totally unexpected. Messed me up big time but what do you expect from the ex that you have no legal plans with....it got too uncomfortable for him to have them...what with his vasectomy and all...poor thing....should have cut the whole thing off I say! I adore my kids but hey are all....tooo much....I need and deserve a break.

The boys are watching Little Man Tate....I bought it for them for Valentines (why?) and they are mad because I didn't get them an Easter present.....they were at their Dad's and they got presents there .......and they don't even believe in the Easter Bunny anymore...I can't even type what I am feeling right now. They are ten years old almost eleven....did you get Easter presents after you quit believing in the Easter Bunny? No...you did not...we had to fix the phone and choices have to be made

The Phone Man...Closer

2005-03-29T14:13:00.000-08:00

The phone man just left....actually he is a friend of the H. He would not let the H pay him....there are still good people in the world! We should have him to supper or I should make him a cake.

The H moved some furniture so the phone man could get at the plug and...what is that? Is that the lid to the peanut butter? Sheesh!

Closer....A movie review.

First of all, when I started the DVD the music almost made me cry and I had not even started the movie. Must get the soundtrack.

Natalie Portman, Julia Roberts, Jude Law...yummy brit....see Alfie review....Clive Owen....yummy deeeelish brit....I would so have 10,000 of his babies. This crowd teams up for a beautiful ensemble piece. I love the time progression....you can't be an idiot and watch this movie. Very sexual...verbally....it's about time someone talked like that on screen. Beautiful, truthful, painful, beautiful honesty! Don't Miss Closer.

Other movies I don't want to miss...
Guess Who....wehn it comes out in DVD.
Spanglish....Adam Sandler...I must get with this man. Did you see 50 First Dates?
Bewitched....Nicole Kidman as you know who and Will Farrell as Darren....I swear if they mess this one up I will be so mad.

Things to do...

2005-03-29T07:02:00.000-08:00

Here are the things that I want to accomplish today...this week.....before summer....if at all possible at any time.

Doctor's appointment....must go by and check on that...can't call because my phone is out.
Stationery for CCC.....must go by The Paper Yard....can't call because my phone is out.
Pick up contacts.
Take back movies....get more to watch and review....that was fun!
Finish Taxes...I swore that I would be a Feb. 1st kind of girl this year. I was going to do it for sure. I spent most of last summer getting past tax stuff straightened out for us and I did it and I am very proud of myself. My sis-in-law had a lot to do with that and I love her for it. My stuff came from the school right on time....we have been waiting for the H's. The city sent their stuff and we have been looking for the 1099 from his coffee consultant job.....then the H got sick and things went on standstill. Turns out, the guy wants us to just keep that money to ourselves.....but he has been paying the H with a check. It is not a lot of money, trust me, but this does not sound like a sound business or personal practice to me. The H says we should go along with this....has anyone seen my shovel?
Finish bankruptcy paperwork....I am very close on this. Got to get this done so we can turn a page and get on with life.
Clean out spare room and move Brooks' bed in there....I have been promising the boys that I will separate their rooms. That in itself is a big deal because it involves breaking down a bed and.....blah blah blah. The spare room is a nightmare to behold right now. My mother, who recently lost 40 pounds.....brought me all the clothes that she could not wear any more. This was at Christmas. And they are still there. And there is a ton of them. It's not that I am not grateful because there were a few things that I could wear. But the other stuff is like early grandma chic. It is awful! So now I have to box all that shit up and get it out of here...oh yeah, and I glossed right over the fact that my mother is skinnier than me right now.....but I am working on that. Still sticking to my program.....something that I can control.

So, as you can read, I have a big day ahead of me. Must get more coffee and read a few blogs and get cleaned up and then The View will be on and then maybe catch a nap. After all, I am on vacation!

2005-03-28T14:58:00.001-08:00

What is the deal with Blogger, man? So S-L-O-W to L-O-A-D today.

He told me the news and I tried hard to contain my joy. A happiness the likes of the intensity of a thousand red-hot suns washed over me like a waterfall's embrace. I screamed and cried and kissed him, fresh from a hair cut and looking so handsome. The news is so wonderful....I have to share.

The phone repair guy is coming tomorrow!

I know, it sounds silly but I swear, everything I need to do is tied into that phone and it has been out for almost a month. We don't have a cell phone so that is my only line out of this fucked up town. I have no family here and I am seriously jonesing for a couple of hour long converstions with the sis-in-law, my Mom and my sister. Oh that's right.....her convo would not be an hour because we usually talk while she drives to Target or the grocery...."ok, I am here talk to you later!".......but I am missing that five minutes! I am so mean about my sister.....long story.

Why have you had to wait so long for phone repair, you ask? Well, MCI, the greedy, generally assholish company that they are.....silent scream.....wants to charge us to come fix while we have paid the service agreement for like ever just for this kind of mishap. It ain't happenin'. The H knows this guy who is a friend of someone else who said he could fix it if we buy the parts...trouble is it has been raining for a week and the basement/rabbit hole under our house has water in it. It is not a finished basement. The water heater and the air conditioner.....let's pause for a moment of silence....we lost that in the last flood. He has not been able to come because of this and some other reasons like he only can do odd jobs on days when he gets off at 2 which are apparently alternating dates that start with the letter Q. Whatever!

It will be fine tomorrow and the guy will come and change my world and I will be so happy. I may have to adjust my medication but I will be happy.

Sunday night...

2005-03-27T19:38:00.000-08:00

So I step in cat vomit as I lay the laundry down on the couch. Clean that up....arrgh and the obligatory gag... Fold, fold, fold, ok socks....what the hell..where have all of these socks come from..separate...non-matching small ones with grey soles and dirt that did not come out in the wash.....zzzzzzzz....did not notice.....go there...the big, worn-out, stretched out....go there. My feet are cold...eww more vomit.

If I died...

2005-03-27T13:27:00.000-08:00

Here is what I think....If something like what is happening to Terri Schiavo happened to me...and I died.....here is what would probably come from it...and I am not trying to make light of it but this is just my nature...if I died this is what I think would be the reactions of the people around me that I hope care about me most.

The H: "Finally, someone is off my ass about keeping this place clean.....I mean who really cares?"

The boys: Yeah, I miss Mom, but gawd, someone is now off our ass about keeping this place clean.....I mean who really cares?"

My Sister: "I loved Jenni, but in the big scheme of things, I can't think about that right now....I have to get my daughter to gymnastics and my son to speech therapy while planning the next church pageant and making sure my husband has all his fishing lures to go to his next grand fishing tournament.....I will cry in a minute but the macaroni and cheese is getting done and so is the the soup made from the Christian home-based business-lady's mix... that I am best friends with...so I have got to go. OOO....did I phrase that right?

The friends....We loved Jenni....she had a hard go of it....I mean with that first husband of hers.....leaving her with twin 18 month old boys....and they were so beautiful. All curly headed and everything....one brown headed and one blond....one green eyed and one blue.....and then her new husband....the one with which she had found true love....she really loved him. She went through so much with him....and the boys now....they are beautiful...so smart and good....staring 11 years in the face...... I hope he is ok.

The Sister-in-Law: I won't even try to predict how she would feel if I were gone....we are getting a taste of it while the phone is out. I am gone and out of touch.

My mother: I tried with Jenni....what a handful......I really did....she was not my favorite but I tried....I adore, ....well...love,...ok... like her just as she is...if her father had not died... I never played favorites.....of course you can come this summer....but I am taking care of my friend while she had surgery....oh that's right you are dead so that works out good in my schedule.

Don't Miss....Movie Reviews

2005-03-27T11:42:00.000-08:00

I could not post yesterday because we were under the threat of severe weather. We have lost our computer before because of lightning so I decided to shut down. We are not out of the woods yet, but things have mostly calmed down.

While deprived of my computer fix, I had the opportunity to watch some movies that I would like to review now. Since the H is transfixed with March Madness and the Players' Championship (He is going with some friends to play Tiger Woods' Golf on that same course....boys and toys), I went and rented 8 movies of my very own....not to share, but to watch by myself and enjoy if applicable. Hey, I am on vacation........I am on Spring Break....... Here they are and my opinion follows....what do you think?

Stage Beauty
This is the story of acting in England before it was legal for women to be on stage. Billy Crudup plays a male actor who has been trained all of his life to be a woman on stage, complete with hand gestures and "nuances" so they say. He is the best at what he does and many people are amazed when they find out that the "Package"...and I capitalize on purpose.... is complete because he is so convincing as a woman. Claire Danes is really wonderful as his dresser, an actress...heavens forfend! She rushes off to act in an illegal production trying to imitate the greateness of BC. It is a Shakespeare In Love type of show. If you liked that, this will give that time period a new dimension. I give it a, "Don't Miss" but be open minded.

Just took a break to talk to the H....I am writing and I need smokes...I also petted our most excellent cat...Stinka....his real name is Atticus from To Kill A Mockingbird....all must genuflect at the mention of the name....if you knew this cat you would know what I am talking about....he is so at one with the world....more about him later.

Being Julia
Annette Bening was nominated for an Academy Award for her role in this movie. She lost out to Hilary Swank for reasons I will have to investigate. Note to self....see Million Dollar Baby. I have to find out how much better Hilary was than Annette because this movie was so wonderfully led by Bening. And Jeremy Irons. Great story....perfect ending....I give it a,"Don't Miss" but you have to like the British sensibility to enjoy.

I "Heart" Huckabees
If you are someone who is wondering, "What is it all about and why are we here?" this is the film for you. There are some big names in this one....because it is so clever....I will not try to name them all. This one will make you think like Charles Kaufman and Being John Malkovich.
Don't you like my bonnet? If you are a thinking person, "Don't Miss".

Hope Springs
Colin Firth and Minny Driver and Heather Graham combine in this Tour de force....no...this powerful.....no.....a real cute romantic comedy that starts out slow but finishes a strong mediocre. You can miss this one but it was ok....I like Colin Firth and Minnie Driver.

The H is back and I have lit up. Took a break to put in some laundry. I have also cleaned the den and dining room....not just now....I did that yesterday....I am so pleased. Somehow, I cannot take time for myself without first doing some of my duties......responsibilites.....the stuff that no none else in my house will do......silent scream.

P. S.
Laura Linney and Topher Grace....my new younger heat man...my gawd he is so good in this movie.....tell the story of a woman my age who has divorced and has "found" a young guy who is the reincarnation of her high school boyfriend that was killed in a car crash 20 years prior. Believeable dialouge and believable sex in the right spots....lots of other intertwining stories. I give it a "Don't Miss".

Ooh....thunder....I am so scared.

Alfie
Jude Law, who I love, does a great job of updating this remake that was first done by the amazing actor that I can't recall his name right now.....I will think of it. Michael Caine. He called women "birds" and I am so glad that they decided to leave that piece of information out of the remake. My mother saw this at the the movie theater and asked me why Jude Law talked to the camera so much. She was put off by it. I asked her if she had seen the original. "There was an original?" It's ok....she was busy raising my sister and me. You see, since my Dad died, Mom loves the movies....They went as a couple, but now, if she can't find anyone to go with her, she will go by herself....and I love that about her....if I lived closer, I would go with her. If you like sex, fashion, sex, really good cimematography, sex, interesting and realistic dialogue and sex...."Don't Miss" this one.

What the Bleep Do We Know?
Ok, go back to Philosophy 101 and add some Quantum Physics to this one. It is a documentary disguised by that deaf actress Marlie Matlin, who we see at time through the entire piece with her mouth wide open. You have to miss this if you cannot get past questions like, "What if the real world is when we are asleep and the dream world is when we are awake?" It goes way deeper than that. I am glad someone had the courage to put something like this out there and while I am a fan of the "2 movies available" kind of movies to rent, this one is definitely for everyone but will only be a top renter by the top 1% of the intellectual community. (Not that I am including myself in there by any means but I am a thinker.)

Ray
I had to rent this one because I really like Jamie Foxx and the director Taylor Hackford. I had to see for myself Jamie's portrayal of the man himself. I saw an amazingly gifted, beautifully tragic man that produced some of the most memorable music of our time....and I am not even old enough to appreciate the time period in which he did it. I give this one a definite, "Don't Miss!"

As evidence by the weather...the frogs are going crazy outside....I wish you could hear them.

And the winner gets...

2005-03-25T15:15:00.000-08:00

Feeling pretty good again today! The boys just left with their dad. They will probably be gone the entire break which is fine with me. Divorce has its privileges!

DWF-15!

Of course he came early so I did not get to try my new game....it's called, The People Who Make the Mess Get To Clean It Up! and it goes a little something like this....I was going to give Tay the kitchen and Brooks the den. They would be provided with all the materials they would need to be successful....vaccuum, Swiffer Wet, Swiffer Dry, Swiffer Dusters, Pledge, Kaboom....I think you get the idea. From then on it is a contest....the winner gets $5.

Between this and my new diet book, I am destined for greatness! The H will be home in a little while. I think I will let him play my new game....but his prize will be a little different!

Feeling pretty good....oh gawd!

2005-03-24T14:39:00.000-08:00

Feeling pretty good today...lost another pound. Taught my ass off today....this architecture unit really rawks! Wearing my school t-shirt and some cute capris and my little New Balance mules that are tres' comfy. Reached down to get a file folder and noticed that when I shaved yesterday I totally forgot the back of my right calf...oh gawd...what a loser!

The Good News About Global Health...

2005-03-24T14:37:00.000-08:00

"The story painted in the media about health in developing countries is virtually always gloomy. The magnitude of current health challenges - from AIDS to chronic malnutrition - can seem daunting, even hopeless. But this grim outlook obscures a lesser-known reality: that in the past 50 years, the developing world has witnessed spectacular improvements in health. Life expectancy has risen from 40 to 65 years, and the chance that a child will survive to age 5 has doubled. Much of this success is due to major health programs in poor countries that have saved millions of lives by introducing new medicines and technologies, providing improved health services, and fostering healthier behaviors.
A new book, Millions Saved: Proven Successes in Global Health, published by the Center for Global Development, tells the story of 17 of these successes. The cases were selected by a group of 15 international health experts who were gathered to answer the question, "Does anything really work to solve profound health problems that face poor countries?" From the elimination of measles in southern Africa to the control of tuberculosis in China, these case studies provide clear evidence that even in the very poorest countries with limited health infrastructure, major public health efforts can and have changed things for the better. "

from Sojourners

I could not agree more...

2005-03-24T14:34:00.000-08:00

The lesson we should learn from Terri...

"...we owe it to ourselves and the people who we love to discuss end-of-life issues in our families and with our pastors. Living wills and other forms of advanced directives are not perfect (and are useless if your healthcare provider doesn't know that you have one - a common occurrence). But they are the best vehicle for making your wishes known at a time when you are unable to communicate them, and may make a difficult time somewhat easier for those you love. "
Julie Polter